Mother Nature and Father Time

I think that Mother Nature and Father Time have conspired against me. It's that time-o-month again, so I am a feeling gut-tastic AND hungry nonstop. So much fun. My two TK workouts this week are not even going to come CLOSE to cancelling out the food I ate just today. Whatever.

By now, aren't you all thinking, "Here we go again. Same story different month. You get PMS-ey, eat a bunch, bitch about it and how bloated you feel..blah blah blah."?? I would if I were you. And yet - here we are again. I am a human garbage disposal, eating my children's picked over foods and craving fast food breakfast. And I got my monthly bill (hooray for me not being pregnant!! no offense to those that are, but...), so all of the hunger and carb cravings and bloat are explainable. But are they excusable? Is there some way to combat or change this stupid roller coaster that is my hormonal hunger?

Here's where I would like to lodge a complaint. I believe that I have mentioned that my Aunt Flo used to be pretty predictable, steady, manageable. She now has morphed into this crafty old ho-bag who tiptoes into my life nonchallantly (minipads), then kicks my ass [super-plus plugs every hour plus extra fortification for inevitable needs, super long diapers at night (navel to ass crack's end) and seriously considering just staying home for a day], then hangs out for no good reason (back to minipads) for a long time and acts like she's left but then really was just off to take a nap or something. This sucks. I've considered an IUD because there is a chance you don't have a monthly visit for FIVE YEARS, but then found out you get one of those installed (by a professional, home installation is unavailable) while your dear old Auntie is visiting. Yeah, I'm not so sure about that action, I gotta tell you.

I have to say that it is that last part - It's gone! No, it's not. Yes, it's done. Nope, still there. I swear it's done! Crap. Ok, for sure now! Maybe? yesssss - that is the most annoying. Is this a function of age (dang Father Time - he keeps marching across my forehead and punishing me with permanent reminders that I smile a lot)? Is this just how this goes? They tell you a lot in school and books and stuff about how this process begins (remember the video and school nurse talk in 5th grade?), but not so much how it proceeds or winds down or ends. And I want someone to tell me if the sensation of trying to fill a bucket with the hole in the bottom (better known as my stomach) goes away with this whole deal. Who does a girl gotta know to get some answers to those kinds of questions? Inquiring and irritated minds want to know.

Oh, and I give myself the "Most widespread use of parentheses in one posting" award today. (thank you)