Wii Fffffft.

My husband got me a Wii Fit for Valentine's Day! yay! I was very excited by this thoughtful gift. So I busted it out of the box right away and followed instructions to get started.

The beginning has you pick your little Wii person and then answer some questions about yourself, like your height and how old you are and whether or not you are wearing light or heavy clothing. Then it checks your center of balance and sees how quickly you can shift your balance to a certain degree and then reads tea leaves or something and comes up with your "Wii Fit Age." You Wii person stands there and is put in the spotlight and looks nervously at the sky until a giant number plops down behind her. Mine was 46. My Wii person hung her head in shame and then bent over and grabbed at her back like some old decrepit person. No lie.

At the end of all of this tomfoolery, your little Wii person stands there and the game tell you your BMI (cuz that little board thing is also a scale). Mine was in the OVERWEIGHT range. So then the Wii made a big low noise, like the sound effect for something nasty squishing out or landing in a glop, and my WII PERSON'S BUTT GOT BIG!!!! I am serious! And then I set some weight loss goals (about a pound a week) and the Wii seemed happy with my ideas.

I worked out on that thing for an hour, so here's my review for all who have not purchased one but are considering:

Balance games - very fun, but not strenuous at all. I rock at the big ski jump and suck rocks at the game where you roll balls around on a platform to get through a hole to the next level.

Aerobic games - In no way "aerobic" as a whole. Though the hula hoop game did get my heart rate up a bit. I am way better at hula hooping to the right than to the left. The whole time I am furiously twirling my virtual hula hoop, I was hoping nobobdy would come downstairs. I bet I looked pretty funny. The "step" part was at a slow march pace. I wonder if I do well at it, if it will speed up. The running was also at a walk, so I am hoping that it speeds up after playing it for a while.

Yoga - the section I did not do... yet. hey, I was on there for an hour! Give me time!

Strength training - These are good, and hard work. You work with a "trainer" and I picked the female (you can pick male or female trainers with a gray palor and blue workout clothes). The trainer shows you the exercise and then does it with you, and the screen shows you where your center of balance should be while you are doing the exercise. The trainer is bland and if you pick the female, she has boobs that are perfect circles, and look like a couple of half grapefruits stuck under her tank top. some of the things require you to put your hands on the board and the little grippy texture on that think kinda hurt. I worked through it.

So, there you have it. The Wii wants me to get on there every day. We'll see about that. You can also add on there any other exercise things you did that day. Like today when I worked out again with Sahm at the Y. Thank goodness she is motivated. I'm up to 12 miles this week!

Slow But Sure

Well, I revisited the torture device today and it said 152.4. So, if it were a talking scale, it might say:

"Well, that's better, but still not great."

I've only worked out twice this week - Monday and yesterday. One Turbo exercise and last night did the eliptical and weights. Two more to go before Sunday! I'm upping that goal over in the tracking section from three to four times per week. Healthy eating goals are going very well this week. I got a new recipe for a bean salad, and if it is good, I'll post it on here along with a link to a coupon for Beano. ha ha!

There is a dance coming up on the 21st and I'm excited about that. I love to go dancing. Would love it if I could get something new to wear in this same size that is not pinchy and makes me feel cute. If I lose 2 pounds per week, that would be six more pounds, and THAT would be worth celebrating with a good booty shakin time.

F-bomb!!!

Fuck!!!!

That's right! I'm starting off the blog-o-the-day with the f-bomb (as the title implies). And I do not use that word regularly, and am alarmed by the look of it after typing it, but... Fuck fuck fuck! Damn it all to hell!!

"Geez, Mia, calm down. What's with the potty mouth?" (...you might be saying.)

I decided to give my new torture device a try, and thought I would use the fancy feature of recording my starting weight and setting a goal weight so it will do the math for me and show me how much I lose and how far to my goal. Cuz, you know, we Amercians can't add or subract, so we need our scale to do it for us. Pathetic, but it came on the scale so I may as well try out that bell and whistle.

So, I weighed myself this morning in true morning fasion - first thing after the morning bathroom visit, and nekked (those clothes are too heavy). The scale said... 154.6 pounds!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! What? What that hell?! I have GAINED 3.6 pounds after three weeks of exercise? I have not just had a baby, I have not been ill and unable to use my exercise equipment, and I do not think I have been eating more than usual, so again, I say, "WHAT THE HELL?!" And the scale automatically set a goal for me of 139.4 pounds. My goal was 130 or 135 (size 8 - so not a goal for a tiny size), so the scale is not far off, but even that number that is dangerously close to 140 (in between 8 and 10) is a full on 15 pounds away from here.

Fuck.

In better news: I did 30 min of Turbo last night.

Hobo Days

It is 23.1 miles from Algona to Britt. Britt's claim to fame is their annual "Hobo Days" because apparently that town was some sort of hobo haven back in the day. Or maybe it still is. I don't know. I just recognize the sign that boasts the festival and the large cartoonish drawing of a hobo, complete with patches and handkerchief full of stuff on a stick.

Last week, I logged 12 total miles, many thanks to Sahm for working me through an hour of yoga AND 30 minutes of TurboKick with two turbo sections for good punishment. What did I have the week prior? I think 7 miles? maybe 7.5? I'm still not quite to Britt, with 19 or 19.5 miles in. Damn. Well, maybe this week will be better... I had better just get out the Turbokick, cuz this hamsterwheel stuff is taking forever.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Here is the perfect illustration of the insanity of my health habits:

On Saturday I bought a brand new personal torture device (aka - a new bathroom scale), and it can track my starting weight, goal weight and progress along the way. Great! Research suggests that those who weight themselves regularly tend to be more stable with their weight as they notice variations more quickly and do something to correct them. Fantastic. I'll get right on that.

AT THE SAME TIME as I am purchasing this new tool for better health that will help me fight the yo-yo pattern of my weight, I bought... Dove caramel-filled chocolates and Fritos. What the...?! How does that make any sense? As an added bonus, when I hit the checkout lane the cashier grabbed a coupon and said, "Would you like a free box of turtles?" Hell, yes, I would like a free box of turtles - throw that bad boy in the sack. So, one heart-shaped box of turtles (six of the little darlings) were consumed over the weekend, and ALL by me.

Where was the word, "no" when I needed it? Bound and gagged by my inner fatso, apparently. Someone stop the insanity!

Are We There Yet?

Last week, I logged 7.5 miles on my way to Mason City. This week, so far, 6 miles. Lisa, I think, is kicking my hind end. Lisa, I'm going to leave it up to you to comment on your total. I think on Mondays I'll just post my weekly mileage and grand total then Lisa, you can post your in the comments. Ok?

I Ate Too Much...Again

Well, the exercise goal is going very well this week. I am thinking I will work on upping the intensity this week. I used the weights at the YMCA yesterday so my triceps are sore today. I went sledding today, and that was some HARD work, trudging up those hills. So, hooray for me!

But then I came home and baked cookies. And last night I went to a chili cook-off and ate a bunch of stuff beforehand (spinach and artichoke dip, chips, scotcheroos). Sheesh. Sigh. Maybe that will be better now that my aunt flo has packed up and headed off to visit some friends of mine.

Mia Macguiver

My sister reminded me of some great bathroom humor that I simply must share. Well, "must" is a strong word, but I think it's a funny story so you are all going to hear it.

Back in early November, I went Christmas shopping with my mom and my sisters. I love this trip. We do it every year. And we shop like it's what we do for a living, and we do not quit until we have accomplished our goal of getting our Christmas gifts purchased in their entirety, or at least in their almost-doneness. We do break for dinner and cookies, and on Saturday evenings in the hotel room, we usually drink wine. See? Now you all wish you could come with us, don't you? Also included in the trip is usually at LEAST one occasion where we end up laughing until tears are streaming down our faces. This year, I had an incident that prompted one of the moments of riotous laughter.

We went to Cheddars for dinner, and I ordered a drink and then went to the bathroom to pee and wash my hands, cuz... well I had to pee and it's a good idea to wash your hands after that AND before eating after rummaging through piles of sweaters and toys at Toys R Us. I was the only patron in the restroom, and I went into a stall, locked the door (like you do), and did my tinkle business. I finished with that task, flushed, made sure my barn door was closed and then lifted the handle on the latch and... nothin. The door would not open.

The latch was broken and now I was locked in the stall. There was only about a foot of space between the bottom of the stall door/wall and the floor, so going under was not an option. I considered going over it, but decided I would probably injure myself, and that would be embarassing. I could yell for help, but who would hear me in a noisy restraunt? Plus, the mere thought of standing in the restroom stall, yelling, "Help!! I'm stuck in here!" made me giggle too much. So, I decided I would have to turn my attention to the lock and see if I could jimmy that thing open. It was your standard bathroom stall lock, with a little pin pushed into the door frame, with the secret to my freedom lying in the ability of the pin to be pulled back into the door itself. I had my purse (thank goodness), but it had been fairly purged of all superfluous items to lighten the load for a long day of shopping. Dang. I tried a pen, but it was too fat - wouldn't reach the pin. I had a moment of clever thought and took out my hoop earring, wiggling one end in the opening and carefully scootching the pin back into the door. Ta-dah! And nobody came in there that whole time.

I washed my hands and went back to my table and very calmly said, "Well, I just got locked in the bathroom stall and Macguivered my way out with my earring." At which they exclaimed, "What?!" and burst out laughing. Good times.

Farter One Poptart Attack

Shoot. I was minding my own business in my office, with 15 minutes until my next appointment, when my Farter One poptart attacked my innards and I ripped off a big fart.... just as my next patient rounded the corner into my office. I pretended like I didn't just fart and said, "Well, you are a bit early! I didn't know you were here. Come on in and we'll get started...." Really the best move, don't you think? Who's going to ask their shrink, "Dude? Did you just rip a huge fart?"

Maybe I Could Be a Beauty Queen

I have a friend who is going to enter the Mrs. Iowa pageant, so she is working out to prepare for having to stand on stage in front of many people in a bathing suit. The pageant is in June. I think it's cool that she is doing it! I fully support her in that goal. And I think she can win. But then I started thinking, 'Hey, maybe I could win. What if I work really hard and enter myself and win some money or something like that? The pageant is in June. I could be less flabby by then. Maybe that would give me extra motivation to work out. If you ask my family, they will say that I have exceptional skills at BSing, so I could make it through those interview rounds and end with a smile where you hear that "ting" as the sparkle shines from my teeth.' And then I laughed at myself a whole bunch.

Lobotomy

This evening (after my trek on the treadmill - 2.5 miles tonight for a total of 3 today! look at me go!) after my shower, I was taking out contacts, brushing teeth and all of that jazz, when I heard an eerily cheerful mechanical voice calling out, "I feel great! I feel great! I feel great!" I recognized the voice as belonging to one Sing and Snore Ernie that we have had for about 10 years. Remember when those were the hot toy? We got one. After a chorus of exlamations of wellbeing, he shut up. I had visions of his cheery orange self, standing over my 5-year-old with a pillow over her head, yelling, "I feel great." But he shut up, so I forgot about it until... he started in again!!! I frantically scrambled around in the 5-yr-old's room in the dark until I found him burried in the toy chest in there. Apparently not really feeling so great. So, I ripped open his velcro pouch, got out my tiny screwdriver set and de-batteried him. I performed a lobotomy on Sing and Snore Ernie. Rest in peace, Ernie. Or at least shut up.

Midnight Run

IF THERE ARE ANY MEN READING THIS BLOG - SKIP THIS ENTRY! MONTHLY PERIOD STORY TO FOLLOW!!

There, this story requires a disclaimer. I am wearing my favorite pajamas right now. I bought them at Walmart about a month ago. They are super comfy and I would like to live in them. Every time I wear them, though, I am reminded of why I bought them and I chuckle a little to myself.

I was visiting my mother, and got to see my friend, Molly, home from Japan. I got to go to Sarah's house and have fun with her friends on her "favorite things" themed ladies-night-out. I ate great food, had good wine, saw great friends - perfect, right? It was! But I had started my period a day or three before that, bleah. No problem. I had brought a few "supplies" along to handle that.

As I have aged, my period has changed in weird ways. I am not on any birth control pills, so it just comes and goes as it pleases. It starts out sloooowly, requiring nothing but a minipad that is changed maybe once per day, and this goes on for a few days. Then it acts serious and I have to use tampons. I don't wear those to bed (cuz of toxic shock and all of that), so I wear a diaper (maxi pad with wings), and I usually only need those for two nights, one of which I need the super diaper (long - nighttime pads), then after that BS I can switch to minipads for about five more days. Stupid period.

Ok, now that you all know WAAAAAY too much about my period (which the OB/GYN at my clinic says can only be helped by taking birth control, crap), back to the fantastic evening at my mother's. I got home and got ready for bed, using the regular diaper I had packed. I woke up at about 3:30 a.m. and had this very bad sensation that I should have packed the super diaper. Crap. Sure enough - leakage. Not a lot, but leakage. So, now what? I had no more products except for the minipad and tampon for the next day. That sure was not going to work. Plus, I needed new PJs. I searched frantically through my mother's bathroom cupboards... my post-menopausal mother... nothin. So, I put in the tampon. Got out the next day's skivvies and put on my jeans and headed off to Walmart. I shopped for a good 20 minutes or so, went back to my mother's house and changed into my new comfy PJs and with sufficient supplies and headed back to bed, at which time my mother got up and asked if I had gone outside or something cuz she thought she heard the door. "Yeah, I went outside and came back in. Go to bed, Mom."

So, that's how I got my new PJs. Thanks, Aunt Flo.

I Miss Group Exercise!

Today at noon we had a potluck lunch - soups, bread and dessert. Deliciously evil potluck lunch. My friend Cassi made peanut butter cookies wrapped around a snicker snacker, so you take a bit of yummy peanut butter cookie, and then the next bite.. snickers and peanut butter cookie! I had two. Then I felt like a slug.

Well, at work they have newly placed some old equipment from the physical therapy department in a big empty room and painted footsteps around the perimeter and voila! Exercise room! So some friends were talking about that room, so I said, "Wanna walk?" and we all tromped down there. I used the NodicTrac (remember that thing? Cross country skiing verson of a hamster wheel - and it's hard!), and the ab thing that is some bars and a pillow to help your form, and the weight pull-down bar thing to work my shoulders and triceps. Then I challenged one of my friends to pick up a 5 lb. hand weight in each hand and do lunges down the length of the floor and back, do wall sits, and THEN we walked. And I did it all in heels.

She brought fun music and it made me think of TurboKick, and I actually had an URGE to do TK again! So, we might be starting a noon turbo group that just does a 20 minute routine. I'm so excited! I could get in some exercise (2 miles, by Sarah's count?), and have no guilt about being at the gym in the evening! So what, my patients have to deal with me being all gross and sweaty. Too bad for them. I may have to invest in a sweatband (gross! ha ha!).

And even if this does not come to pass, maybe I'll just get a group to go and goof around like we did today for 30 minutes. By the way, Lisa, I'm counting all of that as 1/2 mile, so I'm up to a whopping two miles. I'm now off to face my hamster wheel. Sarah is right that it is hard to start the exercise. But I find it equally hard to keep going. I want to be done way sooner than I need to be. That's why group exercise is better - it holds my interest longer and I have fewer whiney, "Can I be done now?" thoughts. I'd rather be knitting.

Volumetrics Duh

Well, I have been reading my new book on Volumetrics. It's a very scientific approach, which I like because it is not promising anything wild. The author is a researcher in satiety (feeling full) and nutrition. The basic idea is to eat a lot of foods that are low in energy density (calories per ounce) to feel full and happy and yet maintain the calorie deficit that is the key behind weight loss. That's right - no carb counting, superfoods, colon cleansing, green tea, Hoodia, etc. Just take in fewer calories than you burn. Exercise is highly recommended (cuz it ups the "burn" side of the equation) as well.

But, the plan is kind of "duh" - eat an apple instead of a cooke. Duh. Eat fruit and yogurt parfait instead of ice cream sundae. Duh. Eat a plate full of veggies and broth based soup instead of chips and cheeseburger. Duh. But they promise that you will be more full and satisfied if you eat the "duh" way. The problem is that I KNOW these things intellectually, but I want the burger way more than the soup. How do you change that? How do I get the big plate of veggies with low-fat dip to look better than the wavy Lays and sour cream and onion dip? I know I can eat more of the first and lose weight, but... Apparently I am insane.

I am doing baaaaadly this week. I did not get back on the treadmill last night, (but DID finish my neuroscience homework) and did not get up early this morning. 1.5 miles logged so far this week and it is Wednesday. Crappedy crap crap. Sahm used to work out 2 HOURS per day before Bambino came along, and she will get back to it again once Bambino is not so needy with the nursing and stuff. Other people get up and go to the gym (Lisa!) or go in the evening, or get their asses on their treadmills or steps or Turbokick (Sarah!). What is the matter with me???!! I would like a week's vacation where I go and stay with my brother and he kicks my good habits into gear. I'd like to be on Biggest Loser, but I'm not near that needy. Mostly I'd just like to go to a ranch somewhere for a month, where my only demand (beyond showering, and I think that's optional) is healthy eating and exercise.

I know, I know. "Quit waiting for it to be easy and just make yourself do it." And quit wishing for someone else to jumpstart your life and do it. I am not helpless. I think I can I think I can I think I can... I'm going to go eat an apple.

Snow Days

Our office closed yesterday afternoon cuz of blizzard warnings. I had already seen six patients, so I was ok with that. Today I was supposed to go to Mason City for a three hour meeting (oof), but it got cancelled because of bitter cold. So I am at home, and I am thinking I should go in to work and get some paperwork done, but I don't want to. I could even call my assistant and have her schedule a couple of patients for later this afternoon, but I don't want to do that either. I am doing some homework for my online class as an excuse to stay at home. That is desperate, folks.

No Change No Glory

Crap. No change. A week of good eating (though card club was not good - darn cocaine laced snack mix) and two workouts on the wheel, plus shoveling snow (I counted that as my third) and a lot of farting.... and.... nothing. Same numbers on the scale. Same pinchy pants. Drat! I am not giving up, but that's rough in the first week when I am needing some reinforcement - even a half a pound!! I have only logged four miles on my treadmill, and I think Lisa is going to lap me on that challenge. I set my alarm and wore workout clothes to bed. In the morning I shut off the alarm and made a note to get on the treadmill tonight. Now I want to eat pizza and lots of it.

I got the Volumetrics book today. Perhaps I will read that and get re-inspired.

Card Club

I'm such a grownup! I belong to a card club, which I think I have mentioned before. We play Euchre. And if the group ever disbands, I can head down the street to the senior center, cuz they have euchre tournaments there every week. I love card club, though. Sometimes we don't even play cards, but I like it when we do.

The first hour of club is spent eating the buffet of snacks and goodies that we all bring. I always bring little smokies in bbq sauce - a manfolk pleaser. Today I am bringing veggies and dip. But there will be LOTS of other stuff there to eat and I will want to eat it all. I wish weigh-in was on Friday. Weekdays are so much easier on my waistline.

New blogger confirmation word of the day:
Orrgami - fun sex in intricate positions

Drodant and Erfel

In order to post comments on other people's blogs, they prompt you to type a nonsense word. I'm not really sure what that does for safety of the blog, other than see if you are a live person (hey, that's probably it: no automatically generated blog spam) and check your willingness to follow orders to get what you want.


I want to comment on this blog posting; it's a hoot. What? Type nonsense? Ok, I can do that. Oh, what? Put finger on nose and say, "I'm a time-wasting doofus." Uh, ok...

Anyway, I enjoy the nonsense words. I think they are funny. I'd love to write them all down and start making up definitions for them. Once again, sealing my nomination for the dork-ball hall of fame.

Drodant (from my aunt's blog): brand name of antipersperant for your inner thighs and butt crack to prevent swamp ass after a workout. Feel fresh and clean with Drodant!

I am easily amused.

Live (barely) From the Recliner

I am sick. Stupid cold with stupid fever. I DID complete my workout on Wednesday and was planning another tonight. But I don't know how that will go or if it will go. I need a hose attached to my nasal passages. I am also fresh out of anithistamines, so need to go to the store, but feel too disgusting. Maybe after another nap.

Excuses, Excuses

I am really good at coming up with excuses to avoid exercise. I was going to get on the hamster wheel again last night, but farted around (no connection to fiber or real flatulence) on the computer and knitted until 10:30 and then decided it was too late cuz I had to get up early for work. Good one, eh? Lose yourself in Facebooktopia and suddenly have it be too late! One point for fatso! (and if you hadn't clued in yet, "fatso" is now the default name for any of my tricky thinking that leads me away from healthy care of my physical being)

I thought I would post some of my other crafty (and lame) excuses and faulty thinking. Have I done this before? I'm too lazy to go back and re-read all of those posts, so too bad if I have. Feel free to add your own excuses.

I'm getting a cold. (this one is true right now and it sucks, but...)
The kids need this/that/etc.
Evening is my only "me" time.
I hate mornings.
I haven't eaten anything first thing in the morning, so my energy level sucks.
I just ate and feel gross.
I'll do it tomorrow, I swear.
I don't have any workout clothes.
I should spend time with my spouse.
I have an idea to blog and will forget it if I don't do it right away.
Healthy living is boring and I deserve more fun via food.
I can't make it to any of those classes at the Y that I want to take!
I already spend too much time away from the kids.


etc. etc. etc. I AM going to get back on the treadmill this evening, once the kids are in bed, and my spouse is gone to golf lessons, and I knit another row on the hat I am making and I put away some dishes, and and and and.....

An Untimely Timely Visit

Freakin period! Of course it has to show up right when I start a good eating and exercise plan. Maybe I should go on that birth control pill where you only get your period four times per year. That would be awesome. But knowing my luck, the damn hormones would make me all kinds of crazy or hungry or both.

No wonder I feel all bloated.

Farter One Bars

In my healthy eating work, I have been working on more whole grains and fiber in my diet. Very good for colon health and it is supposed to fill you up more and avoid the desperate hunger that causes me to eat like the Cookie Monster - aaaahm num num num num!!!

So, I have bought Fiber One bars and Fiber One poptarts. The poptarts are good and handy for me who tends to eat breakfast on the run or at the office. These yummy, filling bars have 5 grams of fiber per tart. And then I eat more veggies (roughage) and have snacked on some nuts (fart pills) and then more veggies.

My digestive system is confused. Where's the grease? Where's the refined sugar? Where's the chocolate? There is fiber and black beans and lettuce and nuts! I shall produce gas.

Just call me Toots MaGee.

Radio Station in a Rut

I really like the song "Love Shack" by the B-52s. It's one of my favorite Myddleclasse cover tunes, and it's just good fun in general. BUT, our local radio station plays it EVERY afternoon. Seriously. Every one. And when I hear it, I start thinking, 'Good grief! I know it's a good song, but a little variety, people!' Overkill is about to ruin a perfectly good song for me. Maybe I should call and complain.

The Yays Have It?

I am perpetually confused by how to spell exclamations of joy, namely "Yay!" Is it "yay" or "yeah" or "yae" or "Ya"???? I spell it "yay" and I use "yeah" like this:

"Yeah, but I don't really enjoy the whole idea of hankies."

Or, "Hell, yeah, I want pie!"

So, which is it? Whose gonna look that up? Yay (or yeah or yae or whatever) for you!

Giving Myself High Five

The accolades continue! First, I'd like to publicly thank my spouse for polishing off the last of the pie in the refrigerator. One temptation down, one bag of unopened white chocolate and peppermint kisses left to go. At least they are unopened.

I'd also like to award myself the Anti-Breakroom Sheild for valor in the workplace today. I was HUNGRY this morning cuz I skipped breakfast (totally unintentional - just ran out of time) and my coffee was not cutting it. I wandered into the breakroom, remembering that there was public fruit in there last week and WHAT should be all over the table?? A smorgasborg (is that how you spell that?) of goodies, that's what! It was someone's birthday and they just went crazy with the treats - chocolate, pumpkin bread, chips, layered dip and other goodies that blinded my eyes and threatened hypnotic power over my brain. Not a banana in sight. I ran like sixty for my office, and was happy to find a clemantine and sugar-free jello hidden in my fridge. Not really a decent breakfast, but it was something non-junky. Way to go, me. (Imagine me giving myself a chuck on the shoulder.) What fantastic things have you all been up to? And, obviously, "fantastic" means anything even remotely healthy that most people could do in their sleep.

One Down, a Lifetime to Go

Hooray for me! I worked out today! Now, compared to what my siblings are used to, the workout was more like a warm-up, but it counts if you are in slug mode, as I have been. Wow, there were a lot of commas in that sentence. Can I get a period in there, please? Who's editing this blog?

Anyway, I got on my hamster wheel for 22 minutes, and then danced around my basement like a fool (but a fool having fun and burning calories). Also, I did lunges back and forth across the basement and then wall-sits for long enough for my thighs to burst into flames. Once I extinguished the flames, I added in some triceps presses with a 5 lb. weight. Wooo!! Look at me go!

I got a call from my brother this evening, and he asked what kinds of exercises I was planning to do. After approving of my initial list, he asked, "Are you going to lift weights?" Um, no. "Why not?" Um, I don't know. They're heavy. Apparently, he is advocating for weight lifting. So the 5 lb. weight use was in his honor, as was the wall sit.

I guess all that is left to do is continue this trend for the rest of my life. Not daunting at all.

The First (second, hundredth, whatever) Monday

Well, it's Monday again. I always start diets, er, healthy living, on Mondays. So, I weighed in this morning and the scale said I am back up to my original starting weight. Sigh. Ok. You all can see my goals for the week in the tracking space, but I'd love it if you would use the comment space on this post to tell me YOUR goals, so we can report back next Monday. I'm sure I'll have something whiney to say throughout the week, but Monday will be the official weigh in day.

Also, I have decided NOT to do Weight Watchers again. I know that I probably should, as it has some of the best support in the medical and research communities, but I ordered a book about "Volumetrics" which is basically learning to fill up on fruits and veggies to avoid feeling super hungry. Why I needed a book to learn that, I don't know. I also looked for Wii Fit this past weekend, but those things are sold out everywhere.

Diet Row Inmate

Like a woman on death row, I am using today (and yesterday) as my "last meal" days, which is dumb, I know. I ate fast food breakfast today - one of my inner fatso's favorites (mmmm. greasy), and yesterday had Culver's frozen custard. I made Chinese food last night - cashew chicken. It's a boxed kit from the grocery store (Wanchai Ferry), and it was pretty darn good after I added some carrots. I'd like to make it again and add celery and mushrooms. But no amount of veggie additions will make that stuff healthy, I think. But it was goooood. It's like that chubby slug is shuffling toward her prison sentence, devouring all the junk she can find along the way.

That New Shoe Smell

I bought myself new running shoes. They're like a promise to myself. Here I come, hamster wheel!

Resolve

Happy 2009, everyone! Did you all make resolutions? I did not. I should, though. But I am hoping to regain my resolve for exercise. And, yeah, I know I am going to have to do more than "hope" for that. It's like saying I'm going to "try" to work out. Um, I either work out or I don't; right?! The only way one can say they "tried" to work out is if they went to the gym, got up to the exercise equipment and a hoard of meatheads swarm them, grunting loudly and dropping weights on their head. OR if you got to the gym and developed sudden explosive diahrrea. Both would constitute valid effort ("tried"), but were interrupted by external (or internal) forces that were beyond your control. Every other valid effort ("try") would end up in success (actual workout completed), and therefore cease to be a "try" situation. Got me? There is not much room for "try" or "hope" here - but plenty of room for "do."

I want to know why I have such a tough time sticking with these healthy habits! I am able to get on the wagon. I have done it several times. And it sucks to high heaven, I must say. It is considerably difficult for me to get through the first couple of weeks adjustment from sloth to activity. So, why do I quit? Why do I allow "a couple of days off" to turn into months? What is the matter with me???! The only framework I have for understanding this is an addiction standpoint (since I have some experience in treating addiction) - I do well for a while and my warped fatso brain starts talking at me again - "It's ok. You look fine! You can take a few days off. It's only a couple of pounds; no big deal..." Like my own personal crack dealer in my head, peddling spare tires and badonkadonks that LOOK like innocent cookies and cheeseballs, and LOOK like a nice evening knitting on the couch.

Crap crap crap! And it's not like I am unaware. This is pure insanity, folks. If you have ever been in therapy or are a mental health professional or are friends with a mental health professional (I think that is all of you, right?), you have heard the definition of insane behavior: Doing the same thing and expecting different results. So, my analysis is that my resolve is only shallow and this has been my main problem. I am committed to a diet, but not a lifestyle change. I consider my efforts temporary solutions to temporary problems, but I think the reality is that it is a PERMANENT problem (damnit all, anyway!) and requires a permanent solution. In addiction terms: I have admitted a problem, but not accepted that it is a part of my very fiber.

So, how do I change? How to use this fanatastic wisdom? It's simple, I think. Just do it. Stupid Nike had it right. Get on the treadmill, do some workout tapes. Quit whining about time and do it. Track things, work out, etc etc. I also recall something in my addiction work (recall it quite clearly, actually) about asking for help. That's right - I'm flat out asking. Will you all help me? I will blog, and I will track, but I need your help. Dorky as it seems, I would like to ask you to ask me how things are going - to cheer me on when I am doing well, and NOT help out my fatso voice with things like, "Oh, you're fine." Ok? Anyone? Is this mic working?

This blog brought to you by my inner skinny bitch. She has seen the carnage fatso voice has created and she is pissed. She is fighting Jaba the Hut, and thanks you for your support.