Words a Man Should Never Say

Ok, so I fell off the wagon. I'm working on picking back up and getting on board again, and it hasn't been a binge-a-thon, so that's good. I have been stressed out, and being a psychologist I have a wealth of good healthy coping skills at my disposal. I've taught them to numerous people, taught sections of undergraduate coursework on stress management, done public speaking and radio spots about this. So, what did I do? Exercise? Listen to music? Journal? (blog?) nope. I ate chocolate.
Where did I get chocolate? Good question, because I had de-fatted the house more than a month ago. Like a good alcoholic in recovery pouring their vodka down the drain, I had rid my house of all things tempting, leaving only Bocas, unsalted almonds, and tiny Hostess cupcakes (oh - and the blueberry muffin variety are fa-bu-lous). But my husband had knee surgery last week (yeah, yeah, he's fine, back to me) and received a couple of lovely get-well baskets. One contained fruit, very nice, and the other contained Mt. Dew and Hershey Nuggets chocolate truffles. Rats.
I ate a couple of the chocolates from the gift box. My husband sees this and says, "Is that my chocolate?" Um, yes. "Pretty presumptuous to just eat my chocolate without asking." Um, ok (what?!). "Aren't you even going to apologize?" Um, sorry. "And you're supposed to be on a diet. You shouldn't even be eating that stuff."

dead silence

WHAT?!!! "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A DIET?!!" These words should never come out of a man's mouth. Why not just say, "Put down the chocolate, fatty!" or "Oh, I see you're looking to add some more to your gut." Oh it pissed me off something fierce. I wanted to whip the little wrapper at him. I wanted to say, "Oh, like YOU should eat it all, man-boobs!" but that would be mean and untrue. But it would have made me feel better. And I know he was not saying I am fat. He was just protecting his chocolate, and I really should understand that. So, instead I sulked and thought something rediculous like, "Fine, I shouldn't eat this and I am supposed to be on a diet. You watch. I'll get super skinny and never ever touch any of your dumb chocolate again." Chocolate apparently makes me crazy. Or maybe stress and crankiness makes me crazy. But I still think those words should never be spoken by a man to his wife, girlfriend, significant other. Agreed? Ok, somebody put that in the big book of rules.