Giddyup!

Here are my thoughts on beating the dead horse of me being "too hard" on myself about my weight. Ok, to start, I do not always sit around and feel bad about my body fat percentage. There are days that I feel damn sexy. Ok?

But here's the deal. If I am not hard on myself about my weight, who will be? Certainly not my siblings, who contend that I look "fine." And as a whole I would agree, I look "fine" but not good. And when they look good, I want to as well. And you know, we used to say that my brother looked "fine" at his heaviest weight, and he did. But he drew a line for himself where "fine" was not the goal. And he worked hard and now looks fabulous! He is one healthy dude, and I admire that. I have, thus far, been unable to duplicate his efforts, but that's ok. And my other two sisters, who say I look "fine," would both be unhappy if they were in my skin. Guar-an-teed. Why do I say that? Cuz I've seen them at those moments.

Also, being satisfied with "fine" - why is that ok? I mean, isn't that how people just get bigger and bigger? Doesn't there have to be some sort of mental line that you don't like to cross in terms of weight? If I didn't have that thing where I really am pretty miserable when shopping for clothes beyond size 10 (which I really just tolerate - misery hits at 12), what would stop me from continuing to eat myself silly? Certainly not my tastebuds, because they would have me eating straight out of vats of peanut butter, scooping with Hershey bars (I want that right now). I would be miserable for a half an hour and move right on to fried cheeseballs, nachos, and hot fudge sundaes.

And, AND, I don't think my goal is nuts. It would be nuts if I were a size 6 and feeling horrid about myself, or those goofballs in Hollywood who hoorah for those women who went from a size 4 to a 2 - whew! Thank goodness, cuz they were pretty chunky. no. I'm looking for a size 8, dreaming of a 6. And that's a healthy goal.

So I am going to continue to be hard on myself. Besides, my blog would be damn boring if it was full of, "yay! I did some situps!" and never acknowledged that I am stuck at this weight because I am not doing the cardio workouts that would burn the energy to use up the fat stores. Venting is good. Now, if it would only translate into action...