Got the Dress

I got the dress for Legacy Ball - it's deep purple and I really like it. But, I noticed that I was wishing I was a size smaller. Sigh.

ADHD

I am pretty darn sure I have ADHD and have had it all of my life. There are three different kinds of ADHD, you see. There are the "hyperactive/impulsive" type - the kids who cannot sit still, who are chewing on pencil erasers, acting without thinking and are really behaviorally disruptive. There are kids with "combined type" which is obviously a combo of hyperactive and inattentive and these kids are just having trouble all over the place. Then there is the "inattentive" type. This is me.

Inattentive type ADHD - easily distracted, loses things, disorganized, has trouble doing things that require long spans of attention, starts a lot and finishes a little, trouble focusing. As a kid, the annual joke was whether or not I had managed to go through an entire winter on one pair of mittens. My mother threatened to sew them to my coat or get those ones with the string on them. My desk at school was one that barely closed and had papers hanging out and shoved in there like crazy. I did not get math homework done because I could not stand to color the stupid sections after doing the math problems, or would do only a few of each problem but would sit forever trying to get myself to finish the stupid entire sheet of problems. I still struggle with procrastination and doing busy work. I am so easily distracted it isn't funny, and the staggering number of unfinished projects around here is nuts. I also play several instruments badly, know a little about photography and have a test in two weeks that I cannot seem to bring myself to study for.

I think I'm going to make a case for taking meds for this and see what it does for me. What do you think?

Evening Gown

There is a charity event in Algona every November, and it is a dinner/dance. I love this! I love getting all dressed up and going for dinner and then dancing. I believe I have mentioned this event before - Prom for grownups! What to wear, what to wear, that is the question. Last year I wore a strapless black dress with a fitted waist and a flared skirt. I loved it and felt very pretty. This year I have decided I would like to wear something with some color. Great! But I live in little tiny Algona, and where the heck am I going to find such a thing without a big shopping trip? The dance is three weeks away and I have got nothing. Anybody have any suggestions on where to shop? Thanks.

It Doesn't Grow on Trees

Money. I hate money as much as I hate food. I have enough, I don't have enough, i have more than I really need... argh! I own a small house but a nice one, but I want a bigger one. I own an old car but it runs, but I want a newer one. I want some new clothes to replace the too-big clothes. The kids want dance lessons and basketball shoes and soon enough a car and gas money and insurance. how do you afford all of that? I don't. I can afford the dance and basketball and small house and clothes and maybe car and and other car and gas money. I just don't think I can swing the bigger house as well. Damn it. Accept and move on....

Reduced Fat

I had some nice compliments today on my trim shape, which was nice. It is at about this juncture that I usually fall off the healthy lifestyle wagon and drift right back into celebration mode. I celebrate with cake, of course. See, people start saying how nice I look and how skinny I am and blah blah blah, and I get all cocky and think I can then end my "diet." Thus goes the yo-yo path.

Recall, my goal is to end the yo-yo pattern here, and just live in a reliably healthy weight range. I have a friend who buys formal dresses when she finds them on sale so she has them for our annual formal dance. My dream is to be confident enough in my weight and size that I can do that. I don't see it happening, but it is a good dream.

Anyway, people have noticed my "reduced fat" appearance, but I am not giving up on my food journaling via livestrong.com, and I am still exercising. I still have my brother on board to help me, as well. Thank goodness. Today, after all of those nice compliments, I was starting to think that I could just give up the food journal and be fine with myself as-is. Then I got an email from my brother giving me virtual high fives for my calorie goal accomplishments, but also giving a suggestion that I cut some fat from my diet and try to keep it under 30% of my daily calorie intake. Reality check!! I still have not figured out the healthy balance I am trying to achieve. I have a feeling that all of my uses of almonds, peanut butter, cheese on my sandwich, and those ice cream bars are coming back to haunt me. I'm trying to take this as a new challenge and not get discouraged. Maybe if I follow his advice and eat 'reduced fat' I can be even more 'reduced fat' myself and break through that glass floor that I seen to have set. We shall see.

Going Crazy!

Food is hard. Well, eating healthy foods is difficult anyway. I find it difficult. I get paralyzed when I am not near a salad bar, and also sometimes even at the salad bar because I don't want to eat salad. My mind knows that baked fish, grilled seafood or poultry, and vegetables are healthy foods. Fruits are generally healthy as well, though sometimes higher calorie than you expect (darn bananas!). The breakfast sandwich at Subway is pretty darn healthy, so I feel at ease with that. But there are so many other foods out there and they are so chock full of calories it isn't even funny! Do you know how many calories are in potato salad?! Lots.

So, today I went nuts and ate junk cuz that's what I was craving. Scary!! One of these days I hope to figure out how to figure out the balance of life in terms of eating healthy foods most of the time and not feeling crazy for including the occasional treat. I know, crazy....

Pants Schmants

I went shopping today for some new duds. It should be fun now that I am a smaller size, and I will say that it is much more pleasant than it was when I was bigger. However, I think that buying pants is a universal difficulty, no matter your size. I mean, I think it is still a pain in the butt, even for those folks who are a size 4.

All of the makers of pants are trying very hard to accommodate the wide variety of body shapes and sizes out there on the planet. If you go to the juniors department of Target, you will find jeans in one of about five styles ranging from what I call "Mom-butt" style where the waist is up high and the pockets and square on your butt, to low slung skinny jeans for those who are built like a praying mantis. And, though they are trying, it is rare to find a pants-maker who has come up with the perfect pants for my body. It takes so long to wade through all of the brands and styles and sizes and colors and patterns and..... UG! I get so frustrated! But, I managed to find a pair today. Of course, they need to be hemmed.

Body Composition - part Marshmallow

Some good news! I was in the top 8 for the Biggest Loser! Did I already mention that? Well, I'll say it again, then. AND, I got money as a prize. Good deal.

Well, during Biggest Loser they offered for us to get our body composition test. I didn't have time the day they were doing it in the beginning, but I did on Monday. So, my friend Cassi got hers done and she had body fat in the "good" range and NO risky fat, down from 9 pounds of risky fat!! Way to go, Cassi!! I was cocky going into this deal. I have been humbled. My body fat percentage was in the "fair" range and I had 2.4 pounds of "risky" excess fat. A little too much marshmallow goo. So, this means I will keep working on this weight loss thing until that goo is gone.

Halloween and Legacy Ball are coming and I am looking forward to feeling good about myself at both events.

Another 5K

I did another 5K! That's three in the past three months! I think I am officially "a runner" now, right? I am still really slow, but I improved my time from my last race, so that's great. I'll have to work on speed next, which I am sure involves some sort of torture.

Also, I ran in chilly weather, which is a first for me, at least for a race. My nose was running, my lungs hurt and I was really glad I took my sister's advice and wore an ear warmer. I am not thinking running in the cold is my favorite thing, but I'll keep doing it as long as possible. I also wore gloves and was glad I had them at first and then later was annoyed with them. My sister says she only breaks those out in 30 degree weather. I can see why. I gotta get more gear. This running thing is expensive!