Paranoia

My sister Sahm has been tearing up the terrain lately with her running. I have been feeling good about my accomplishments until she pops up with, "Hey, I ran ten miles today!" Good for you. No, really, good for her - it IS good for her and I would be super proud and wearing a tee shirt that read, "Can you believe I ran 10 miles today?" if it were actually me who had run that far. It's just that it makes my three mile runs seem like a warm up when they are really hard for me, thus making me feel like a jackass wimp.

She works out five days per week, and hour or more at a time, and sometimes goes for extra walks, 20 mile bike rides or lifts weights on top of all of that. That's some serious dedication to exercise. And she will admit that she gets kind of panicky and paranoid if she has to miss a workout or if she eats something fattening. It makes me shake my head at that skinny girl.

EXCEPT that now I am starting to get like that to a degree. We went out for dinner this evening and I ordered the grilled chicken entree with steamed veggies as the side and got a small side salad on my trip through the salad bar (no thank you, noodle salad and cherry fluff: add those to my medal collection). Very healthy! Yay me! Go healthy lifestyle! The entree arrived and was a chicken breast topped with tomato slices, bacon and provolone with chipotle sauce on it. I was prepared for the tomato (healthy), bacon and cheese (one slice each - I can handle that), but not the sauce automatically on the chicken. I thought that would be on the side. I had a moment of panic! I can't get that stuff off of there! What kind of calories am I ingesting? Is this one of those times where I thought I ordered a healthy meal and instead I ordered a gluttonous dish masquerading as a healthy thing?! Crap!! I ate half of it as-is, and the sauce had quite a little kick to it. I stopped and stared at the second half - still hungry but not trusting that dish. I took the toppings off and ate the chicken with as little sauce on it as possible.

Looking back, perhaps I have lost it a little bit and need to learn to live a little in this new lifestyle? That's just it, though. I don't know! I'm still learning the ropes here, and do not trust my own judgment when it comes to these things. I went for a walk and felt a little bit better.

See? Paranoid. I'll shake my head at myself now.