Weekend Ahoy

It's Friday! Yay! Well, sort of yay. It is easier for me to make sensible eating choices when I am at work. Why? Well, because I am WORKING, so I can't really be eating. When I am at home, nobody considers it rude of me to eat in front of them, so I have the potential to go to town with the snack foods. So, I'm just going to work on scheduling enough junk to do so I don't have idle time. I have plenty of reading, cleaning, knitting and kid-watching to do, should be a cinch. Should be...

Testing, One Two

I went out for drinks with my spouse and a group of friends and was really happy with myself for NOT eating the fried pickles, mozzarella sticks and potato skins dripping with cheese and bacon. Man, they looked good.

Pay it Forward

I got two emails today from friends paying me compliments. These were totally out of the blue and so sweet I literally welled up with tears. They made my day! I am now off to send emails to other people and try to make their day, too. This is not a "forward" kind of thing, but was so cool I can't help but suggest that you all take a moment to tell a friend why you think they are fantastic.

Oh, and if you don't do this within 7.3 minutes your face will fall off and rabbid squirrels will surround your house.

Weight Loss Tip #477

Don't watch the Food Channel's countdown of fantastic places to eat. Deep dish pizza in Chicago, ice cream in Philadelphia, doughnuts in Montana, drool in my living room.

Shout Out

How old is that saying, "shout out"? Pretty old, I'm sure.

I would like to take a moment to reverently pay homage to my friend, Micki. She got back on the WW wagon and has been super successful in her quest to tame the beast that is hunger and the wide availability of delicious fattening crap food. Way to go, Mick!

Tight Pants

Day two of carb balancing, and mine are still out of balance. It was better today, but EVERYTHING has carbs. 50 grams of carbs per day is really hard to do. Cauliflower has carbs, carrots, black beans, and all sorts of things that are healthy and have protein. Protein of 22 grams is hard to hit per meal as well. I think I have to start eating whey protein powder like it's Lick-a-maid with a beef stick as the candy stick part.

I was feeling pretty good about my eating habits, so I decided to get out my jeans that I bought after my bouts of illness and good eating. These were my favorites before the holidays. Now they are my tight pants. Two days of better eating has not changed that fact. I think I will wear them every night and wash them often so they are straight out of the dryer. They sure helped me avoid giving in to the carb cravings this evening. And if these get too comfy to be effective, I have those pairs of pants from Mrs. Iowa to try. Don't even get me started on the sad fact that her fat pants are my "pinch me, I must be dreaming" pants.

Carbs Are Hard to Balance

Tricky devils, those carbs. I made it through my first day on the Mrs. Iowa plan and discovered that I ate way too many carbs! The problem is in my protein shakes that have a nice amount of protein but also a whole bunch of carbs. I was not looking carefully enough when those were purchased.

At work, I am unable to take a break to eat. So, the shakes were an easy way to get in my 10:00 and 2:00 meals while sitting in session with patients. Now what?! I can't just whip out a baggie of beef jerky and start snacking away in the midst of sessions. Anybody know of some low carb protein drinks that don't taste like crap?

Givin You the Skinny

I talked to Mrs. Iowa yesterday... actually I should post about yesterday's adventure, but not right now. I talked to Mrs. Iowa and she explained the "Carb Balance" get-skinny plan. She calls it "clean eating." I didn't know I was eating dirty, but I guess that makes sense. Anyhow, there is an Excell spreadsheet involved and goals for each meal in terms of carbs, proteins, fats and roughage. This is based on a five meals per day setup. You eat breakfast, and then again at 10, noon, two and then dinner. My thought is that I will give it a try only because I think perhaps I will not be hungry on this deal due to eating so darn often.

In the spreadsheet there are pull-down menus of foods and values and all sorts of stuff like that. She recommended that I spend today studying the system and making meal plans to fit in with the drop-down menus. Um, no. See? I'm already oppositional defiant! I went to the store and bought things that I think will fit into this kind of plan. I spent a long time at the store reading labels, watching for protein, fats and carbs. I came home with vegetables, protein shakes (cuz those are quick for my 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. meals), high fiber crackers and natural peanut butter. I got high fiber bread and chicken. I also came home with HoHos and a Reeces peanut butter heart.

Like my usual night before I start a new diet, I ate delicious junk - the PB heart, a small McDonald's french fry order, and the HoHos. I decided that HoHos are off of my "delicious treats" list. The PB heart was divine, and the french fries were equally tasty. The HoHos were waxy and unsatisfying. I'd like to say that I took two bites of the HoHos and pitched them due to their blahness, but no, it took me all three HoHos to make the call that they were not worth it. I kept thinking, 'Why have I always loved these before? Is it the cream? It's pretty good. It can't be the chocolate on the outside. Maybe they have changed it?' I tried to mollify my guilt by being glad that one more junk food has made it's way OFF of my list of things I might pine for while "eating clean." Now, that I think of it, I do feel pretty dirty for having eaten all of that.

Here was my other rationale for eating like some starved fool: tomorrow is weigh-in at work for a round of "biggest loser" contest there. I am thinking I will join in the contest and this will be another motivating factor (money!). If tomorrow's number is a bit inflated after a pig-fest, then it will be easier to have lost some by the second weigh in and not owe money. It's statistics! Regression to the mean! You know you have your excuses down pat when you can use statistics to support them.

Well, now you all know the scoop. I'll keep you posted on the clean eating spreadsheet diet.

Two Thumbs Way Down

Have you seen the commercials for the toy called "Aqua Sand"? It looks fun, right? There's an aquarium with a cute scene in it, and then you squirt this sand in and you can shape it to create amazing underwater sculptures! But wait, there's more! When you are done you simply scoop the sand out and place it back in the squirt bottles because, gasp!, it's DRY!! This way, you can use it again and again for hours of sculpting fun. It comes with two exciting colors of sand with which to create your amazing underwater sculptures, a sculpting tool and a scoop, as well as a funnel for each bottle of sand. Oh the joy!

Apparently my niece had seen the commercial. So, yesterday when she went with her family and my daughter on a trip to the shopping mecca of Mason City, she SAW the aqua sand and enthused enough about it to earn herself and my daughter a set. How nice! Naturally, my daughter was equally enthused. She got it out first thing this morning. She was a bit disappointed by the size of the aquarium, but that was ok. We tried opening the sand tubes by pulling off the foil seal and that was futile. If you buy this toy, just get out a knife and punch the seals. Ok, then I filled up the tank, careful to leave some room for the sand. Ready to go.

Aqua Sand sucks!! She could not make anything except mostly a mess. The sand has no "off" mode, so it just keeps pouring into the tank all willy nilly. Also, I did not leave ENOUGH room for the sand, so it started to overflow. Dumb me, I had put the thing on the kitchen table. It quickly got moved to the counter right next to the sink. A lot of the sand floats along the top of the water, and it clings to the side of the tank, making it hard to even see what you might have been trying to create in the way of a random sculpture. Oh, well. She did have fun pouring it all in there.

After messing around in a water tank with sand in it, it was time to take the sand out. This is the worst. They give you a scoop that is about a teaspoon, so you get to remove a cup or more of sand, one teaspoon at a time and then try to pour it in a tiny funnel. Sand all over the counter. Especially if your six-year-old insists on doing some of the sand removal. And I do not know why they even bother with separating the sand into different colors because it all ends up in a big swirly mess.

Thus ends my review of "aqua sand" - horrid toy of the week.

Waterpark of Embarassment

We have planned a family trip next month (the 12th-14th) to the Waterpark of America near the Mall of America. We went last year and it was a lot of fun for the kids and for us. The waterpark in the hotel is amazing! There are great waterslides, pools, hot tubs, and even a surf-pool. We will go to the Mall of America and shop just a little bit. This year I think we are going to take my girls and my nieces to lunch at the American Girl cafe where they can bring their dolls. Last year we went to the store and Ava had her doll's ears pierced right before getting her own done at Claire's later that weekend. Fun!

Wait, though. Waterpark. Water. In public. Eeek!! That means wearing a swimsuit! Oh, man. Ok, just found some new motivation to break out of so-so mode and into "lose the Christmas padding" mode. Maybe I'll start wearing my swimsuit around the house so I can avoid eating junk there. So, nobody had better just "drop by" for a visit. Call first.

So-So

I wonder how the term "so-so" got started. You know? Who first said, "It's just so-so."? Anyway, weird curiosity aside, I am doing so-so on my goals. Working out more than none? Yes. Working out every day? No. Eating healthier than I was over the holidays? This week, yes. Eating according to Mrs. Iowa plan? No. Really understand the Mrs. Iowa plan? No. Understand the basics of consuming fewer calories and regulating blood sugars to curb hunger? Yes. You see my point.

I have been doing the abs and pushups, but not every night. I'm up to 10 pushups, which is still pretty crap. I did two sets of Turbo abs section - decent but nothing to write about. Well, except that I just did. Whatever, you get the point.

so-so

I have a social engagement on Friday evening that is a belated Christmas party full of Mediterrainian appetizers. Sigh.

Dance Mom

I find myself in a new category of peoples this year. I am a "dance mom." My younger daughter has been in dance for about 2.5 years now, and this year she is doing "competition" dance - is in a small group and they go to dance competitions. Her routine is in tap dance style, and there are extra lessons, costume, makeup that goes with all of this. There is a camaraderie amongst the moms of these little dancers. There is a whole culture to this thing that I did not really appreciate before I agreed to let her sign up for this. It's one of those things that can look crazy if you are not a part of it. Seriously, I wonder if we aren't a bit like those little kid pageant moms. Anyways, I'm all in. I'm talking wigs and makeup and practice prodding and spending every Saturday morning until May at the dance studio. And though it may not be for the faint of heart (or the busy of schedule, or protective of weekend down-time), it has its charms, watching my six-year-old falap-ball-change her way around the house. Also, as a bonus, I now know a whole new group of women who exchange waves with me as we pass in our minivans.

As an aside, they have dance lessons for adults on Sundays. The instructor swears that it is for exercise only, and it intrigues me, but I have never taken dance. We'll put this idea in the "scary" pile.

P90X Chicken

I know several people who have done the P90X workout. I am afraid of this workout. Mostly, I'm afraid it is one that I will get and then stand there staring at the TV with "the look" while the guy works out. "The look" was coined by my sisters, referring to people in their exercise classes who are glaring at them with the "You expect me to do that? You are nuts. I hate you." message exuding from their inner selves. I have been known to give "the look" often.

So, back to the home workout idea. I used to do Turbokick at home, 5 days per week. Woo! I was on fire, I tell you! I have since been spoiled by group fitness classes on non-carpeted surfaces. Doing TK on carpet is not so nice to my knees because it is difficult to rotate sufficiently on the balls of my feet. Also, when doing a workout at home, I find it so easy to stop when I am tired and just watch those crazy enthusiastic fools sweat their buns off on TV. I do better in a group or class where I feel like a slacker for quitting when everyone else is moving and jumping around. Don't get me wrong, I still think of them all as crazy enthusiastic fools. Sometimes I fantasize that all the participants stop doing the exercises and throw things and swear at the instructor for being a fitness Nazi. This fantasy is really fun because most time the instructor is my sister.

Anyway, I am afraid of P90X. I am afraid that I will quit without social pressure in the room. I am afraid that I can't do the exercises and this will be demoralizing rather than fun or motivating. I am afraid that my desire to be a size where it is fun to shop for clothing and not embarassing to wear a bathing suit is weaker than my desire to work hard to achieve that goal. I am afraid that I will start and not make it through the 90 days because I have a great stockpile of excuses to skip out, and then I will feel like a big ole failure for being a P90X dropout. I am afraid that P90X will be like gym class when we did the Presidential Fitness Tests and I will hate it. I am a big old P90X chicken.

Maybe I'll try the Dancing With the Stars video instead.

8/30

I did the crunches and push ups last night. I did 8 pushups and 30 crunches. That's pretty rotten. I mean, it's better than zero, but still. The 8 pushups were a struggle. Let me clarify for a second - I do not do modified pushups - these are regulation. I think my brother can do 75 or more. I'm shooting for two sets of 15 or 20. I don't want man arms or chest, though.

I thought 30 crunches was a respectable first effort. I'd like to work up to 40 regular crunches, then 40 obliques exercises and then something for the lower abs, too. I had also thought about eventually just working on rotating in the abs work from Turbokick. My brother and sister have done some sort of crazy ab video by some Kathy lady (not Kathy Smith, either). Maybe someday I'll be brave enough to try it.

Onward and upward.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Well, I went and worked out. I was not great -pretty lame, really. I felt really out of shape! It has been maybe a month since I last worked out, so that should not be a big surprise to me. Getting out of shape happens quickly, and getting in shape is a long haul. That is not a good reinforcement schedue for motivation, I have to say. But I paid my $10 to go to classes, so I am going to make that effort to haul my hind end over there at least once if not twice per week.

I used to do situps (crunches) and pushups every night before bed. It didn't take too long, didn't interfere with my sleep, and over time I noticed a difference in the number of those exercises I could do. I don't remember why I stopped. I'm thinking I could start that up again. Maybe I'll add it to my tracking space.

Fighting with Myself Right Now

Turbokick and Yoga classes are tonight at 5:15 and 6:15 respectively. I should go. I wish I wanted to. GRRRRRR!!!!!! Flim-flam, hassa-fracka-sacka, grumble, thblthpth!!! (that last bit of noise was me sticking my tongue out and making that spitty noise that I don't know how to spell)

I don't want to go! I should go! I'd feel better if I went! I want to curl up in a sweatshirt and surf the web! I want to be healthy! That's a bunch of crap, I don't give a rip about healthy!! I'll feel like a cow if my sister goes and teaches those classes and I don't go with no good reason! I'll BE a cow if I don't get up off my ass and do something!! I felt so good when I was even four pounds lighter! I can do this, WHY DON'T I WANT TO?!?!?!?!

Ok, then. I have to leave and get my daughter and take her to dance. Everyone root for that girl who works out and feels good, and not for the one who likes short-term comfort and long-term pinchy pants (or worse, BIGGER pants!). ttfn

Checkin You People Out

I have myself a couple of new followers, and as all of you "old" followers know, I totally love you all for reading my dumb blog!!! So, I clicked on the new folks' profile thingies to see more about you and welcome you formally to my little journey. I would like to also say, "thanks" because knowing that you are out there are reading this lends me some motivation. Apparently, I perform better with an audience.

Stock Up on Beef Jerkey

Well, my New Year New Diet mode lasted for about 3/4 day yesterday. Sigh. I talked to Loni last night and found out a little bit about the diet plan. It's based on five meals per day. No carbs past the 2 p.m. meal, though Loni says I should eat a whole grain serving of crackers or bread or something when I start so I won't feel deprived so much. I like the way she thinks. There is a way you are supposed to balance fats, protein and "roughage" and carbs. So, she gave an example "snack" meal of 3 ounces of Beef Jerkey and some celery and an orange. For breakfast, she gave the example of a piece of whole grain bread where you cut a hole in the center and fry an egg in the center and eat that with a side of picante sauce. I'm going to try to set up a meeting this week to get more serious about this idea. I even bought fish and scallops and shrimp, cauliflower and clementines. Now, I just need some beef jerkey.

Spam Comments

I reviewed last year's blogging just for the hay of it, and came across a spam comment. I had some weird follower last year and successfully deleted them. I have had spam comments before, but they ended when I deleted that strange follower. Well, I found ANOTHER one. So, I installed that thing where you have to type in the nonsense word to make a comment post. Sorry everyone, a few have to make it harder on the rest of us, I guess.

New Year New Diet

Oh, you knew it wouldn't take long for the D word to end up back on this blog!! Yup, it's another new year, so once again I resolve for this to be the year where I eat really well, work out and look my personal best. That last part is getting more anxiously stated every year. I am recognizing that my personal best can probably not be "my best ever" any more due to the stupid aging process that I have mentioned in my decade review.

This year, I am going to work with my friend, Loni, Mrs. Iowa. She went on an eating program and swears by it. She is ridiculously tiny, and I have no delusion that I am going to end up looking like her. However, she swears that this "clean eating" plan with carefully metered carbs/fats/proteins balances will melt weight off of anyone. Ok, Loni! Sign me up. I am going to start healthier eating on Monday, and will set up a meeting with her to review this eating plan. Tune in next week, folks, when I let you in on what sort of habits and restrictions I am setting up in the name of a smaller butt.

If Men Ran Christmas

I really like Christmas. So, before I go off on this little mental trip with you all, please let me acknowledge that I do all of the things that I do for Christmas because I enjoy the whole effect. And it's a lot of work, but I like the outcome and I like that my kids get the experience.

Ok, so that stuff aside, I just put away all of my Christmas decorations and was thinking about all the stuff that comes with Christmas and how much I do. Then I was thinking about how nice it must be to be a man at Christmas. Well, or at least a man married to a woman who puts a lot of effort into Christmas. I mean, really. Warmly decorated home, cards mailed (after the photo is taken, card made and letter written) to all of your friends and family, thoughtful hand-picked gifts wrapped and under the tree in carefully coordinated papers and ribbons, cookies and candies made and arranged on platters, meals planned, kids fed, and then everything cleaned up and put away. All while you sat and drank a beer and maybe made sure the kids didn't kill one another during meal prep and clean-up. That's awesome. I invited my spouse to write the yearly Christmas letter and trade that job off every other year between us. He said, "That'd be fine if you are ok with us sending out cards every other year." Ok, then.

So, what would it look like if men (or, at least, my spouse and brothers-in-laws) ran Christmas? Homes might have Christmas trees. Decorations would otherwise be pretty sparse. My house would have some outside lights. Christmas cookies would be purchased from stores. Few, if any, cards would be sent and no photos would be included. There would be a lot of gift cards under the tree, or a few packages from stores where gift wrapping is offered. Dinner would be some sort of grilled meat and frozen veggies, or spaghetti or pizza. Paper plates may be involved.

I suppose that would be ok. But I like my version better. So, I will refrain from unleashing on my spouse my annoyance, sarcastically reading off the second paragraph from here, ending with a, "Must be nice to have Christmas like when you were a kid and have that CONTINUE into your adult life!!" I will kindly NOT say that, even though there is a part of me that wants to do so. Instead, I will hold on to a smug sense that my kids and my spouse are lucky it is me and not him who is running Christmas around here.