Athleta

I get an Athleta catalog in the mail every few weeks. I ordered a swim suit for my daughter from them, so now I'm on their list. It is full of super athletic models wearing all sorts of athletic gear and cute casual clothing designed for athletic people. I really like it. I marvel at these women's figures, with chiseled arms and flat stomachs and no back fat. And I like the workout gear as well as the clothing. I am too afraid to order anything from that catalog because I hear it runs small and also because I would not look anything like those women in those items. I wish I was an Athleta model, though.

Now What?

Well, the Biggest Loser thing at work is done. I weighed in at 145, down .5 pound in the last week of the game. I was a little bummed cuz I was hoping for 143.5 so I could say I had lost 10 percent. Oh well. So, that little adventure seemed to work pretty well for me - what with the weigh ins and all. So, now what....?? Since it ended I have eaten dessert two days in a row. That's no good. In my defense, it is hormone-a-palooza up in this joint, so I'm craving that junk like crazy. But when I was weighing in I did not give in to the cravings so much.

I am doing an online food journal and I have some accountability there, so that's good. I'm going to have to go back to my little weigh ins here as my motivation. I'm going to try to find someone to give my report so that I have that in the back of my mind. I wonder when I'll just do this without someone needing to hawk over me.

Indecision

I hate making big decisions. I wish there was a person who would, for free, take a look at my life and finances and tell me the smart choices when it comes to things like, "Can I afford a bigger house, a newer car, a car for my kids to drive (cuz that's coming, you know), and then our usual fun, clothes, holidays, etc...???" Why can't I figure out the answer to that question? Am I that dumb? I can't decide anything due to lack of sufficient information!!!

I Did It!!!

I did it! I ran five miles!! I was planning to run four today and then five next weekend because there are two more weeks in the Biggest Loser thing and five miles was a goal I set for that. So, I went out and did my one mile to the YMCA loop, then ran the loop (that's another mile) and then I usually run home (there's three). But, instead of running home, I did another loop and then if I ran home that would be my four miles. Yay! Well, I got done with that second loop and started my internal dialogue....

"Hey self," I says, "Self, you are not dying. If you just did one more loop and then went home, you'd have FIVE miles! Five! You could do it! Just skip the four and go right to the five. How cool would that feel? Just do it. Keep going. Go around that loop again. No walking at the end just cuz you made four, either. Just keep running until you get home." (end scene)

And so, I did. Ta dah!!! I'm really proud of me. I know there are lots cooler goals and feats, like my friends who finished an Iron Man Triathlon (say what?!), but it's still a good day to be me. And on top of that, I took my older child shopping, so spend three hours walking around the mall. I'll take that, and the new pair of heels I bought myself. My five-mile medal.

Running Partner

This morning I got my 13-year-old to get up and go running with me. She ran a mile and I am really proud of her. She is going to sign up for the 1-mile fun run on Band Day, so I think she'll keep running with me. It's good because it gives me that extra motivation to get up when staying in bed sounds so good. And it's good because I want to encourage my children to keep exercise as a part of their lives. I don't want them to have to work on picking up that habit in their 30s.

I really need to get some cold-weather running gear. What does that look like? I usually quit running when it gets colder - always sounds like a good excuse to quit. Not this year. I keep hearing my sister's voice... "You said that last year." when I said I would do better at next year's Ride Run. Long term goals are a good thing.

Betty Crocker

We went to a cookoff held by some friends of ours. You can enter ribs, appetizer or dessert, so I stupidly went with dessert. I won! Yay! I have leftovers! Boo! On a positive note, my sister and I used the divide and conquer approach to the tasting of things to vote and so I ended up not overeating.

This evening I have a meeting and I am the cohost, which means I am in charge of refreshments. I thought about doing veggies and dip, but that's not the usual fare for this thing, so I made lemonade cookies which are really good, and am going to make strawberry punch bowl cake which is also really good. I am guessing weigh-in on Wednesday is going to be another draw.

Discontent

Why can't I just seem to be happy on a consistent basis? My brother-in-law, Frontrunner, asked me the other day, "Are women ever happy?" I had to stop and think about that one for a moment. I answered, "Yes. For contained moments."

I have been thinking about my own states of happiness and today was a prime example of my general discontented nature. I got to wear jeans to work due as my prize for being one of the three "biggest losers" at work. I wore my new jeans, which are really denim stretch pants (98% spandex, 1% cotton denim, 1% stitching on the pockets), and they are pretty form fitting and a little long. I wore them with a really pretty silk shirt and my Jessica Simpson platform patent heels. I was having a good hair day and the one zit that decided to crop up was not nearly as menacing as it is right now. I was feeling pretty darn good about myself, even though I skipped my morning run due to rain and cold and darkness.

That good feeling managed to last until I went home. Once there, I started to graze on fruit and cheese and nuts, then gobbled down a few of the chocolates that some damn old lady gave my husband after he did some odd job for her (really, lady, paying him is enough!), and then ate a couple of pieces of pizza for dinner. I did some laundry, tried to straighten up papers that are always cluttering everything around here, then felt defeated by the clutter in my house and started to frown. I went to pick up my child from her cousin's house and she threw a giant fit which deepened my frown. Heard from my sister who is having a fun-filled day in Minneapolis, shopping and dining and coming home to her nice big house, newer car and 9 a.m. workout time and my frown deepened in jealousy. Started reading my psychiatry study book which is dry as three-day-old toast, felt overwhelmed with stupidity and the frown turned into a downright scowl.

So, what started out as a day where I felt pretty good about how I look, about my job, and about my life, ended up as a day where I feel fat, stupid, ineffective and flying my "no fair" flag high in the air. Why is it so hard for me to be satisfied? Why can't I hold that good feeling? Am I that spoiled? Am I that ungrateful? It's days like these where I think I need a good therapist. Know any?