Discontent

Why can't I just seem to be happy on a consistent basis? My brother-in-law, Frontrunner, asked me the other day, "Are women ever happy?" I had to stop and think about that one for a moment. I answered, "Yes. For contained moments."

I have been thinking about my own states of happiness and today was a prime example of my general discontented nature. I got to wear jeans to work due as my prize for being one of the three "biggest losers" at work. I wore my new jeans, which are really denim stretch pants (98% spandex, 1% cotton denim, 1% stitching on the pockets), and they are pretty form fitting and a little long. I wore them with a really pretty silk shirt and my Jessica Simpson platform patent heels. I was having a good hair day and the one zit that decided to crop up was not nearly as menacing as it is right now. I was feeling pretty darn good about myself, even though I skipped my morning run due to rain and cold and darkness.

That good feeling managed to last until I went home. Once there, I started to graze on fruit and cheese and nuts, then gobbled down a few of the chocolates that some damn old lady gave my husband after he did some odd job for her (really, lady, paying him is enough!), and then ate a couple of pieces of pizza for dinner. I did some laundry, tried to straighten up papers that are always cluttering everything around here, then felt defeated by the clutter in my house and started to frown. I went to pick up my child from her cousin's house and she threw a giant fit which deepened my frown. Heard from my sister who is having a fun-filled day in Minneapolis, shopping and dining and coming home to her nice big house, newer car and 9 a.m. workout time and my frown deepened in jealousy. Started reading my psychiatry study book which is dry as three-day-old toast, felt overwhelmed with stupidity and the frown turned into a downright scowl.

So, what started out as a day where I felt pretty good about how I look, about my job, and about my life, ended up as a day where I feel fat, stupid, ineffective and flying my "no fair" flag high in the air. Why is it so hard for me to be satisfied? Why can't I hold that good feeling? Am I that spoiled? Am I that ungrateful? It's days like these where I think I need a good therapist. Know any?