Athleta

I get an Athleta catalog in the mail every few weeks. I ordered a swim suit for my daughter from them, so now I'm on their list. It is full of super athletic models wearing all sorts of athletic gear and cute casual clothing designed for athletic people. I really like it. I marvel at these women's figures, with chiseled arms and flat stomachs and no back fat. And I like the workout gear as well as the clothing. I am too afraid to order anything from that catalog because I hear it runs small and also because I would not look anything like those women in those items. I wish I was an Athleta model, though.

Now What?

Well, the Biggest Loser thing at work is done. I weighed in at 145, down .5 pound in the last week of the game. I was a little bummed cuz I was hoping for 143.5 so I could say I had lost 10 percent. Oh well. So, that little adventure seemed to work pretty well for me - what with the weigh ins and all. So, now what....?? Since it ended I have eaten dessert two days in a row. That's no good. In my defense, it is hormone-a-palooza up in this joint, so I'm craving that junk like crazy. But when I was weighing in I did not give in to the cravings so much.

I am doing an online food journal and I have some accountability there, so that's good. I'm going to have to go back to my little weigh ins here as my motivation. I'm going to try to find someone to give my report so that I have that in the back of my mind. I wonder when I'll just do this without someone needing to hawk over me.

Indecision

I hate making big decisions. I wish there was a person who would, for free, take a look at my life and finances and tell me the smart choices when it comes to things like, "Can I afford a bigger house, a newer car, a car for my kids to drive (cuz that's coming, you know), and then our usual fun, clothes, holidays, etc...???" Why can't I figure out the answer to that question? Am I that dumb? I can't decide anything due to lack of sufficient information!!!

I Did It!!!

I did it! I ran five miles!! I was planning to run four today and then five next weekend because there are two more weeks in the Biggest Loser thing and five miles was a goal I set for that. So, I went out and did my one mile to the YMCA loop, then ran the loop (that's another mile) and then I usually run home (there's three). But, instead of running home, I did another loop and then if I ran home that would be my four miles. Yay! Well, I got done with that second loop and started my internal dialogue....

"Hey self," I says, "Self, you are not dying. If you just did one more loop and then went home, you'd have FIVE miles! Five! You could do it! Just skip the four and go right to the five. How cool would that feel? Just do it. Keep going. Go around that loop again. No walking at the end just cuz you made four, either. Just keep running until you get home." (end scene)

And so, I did. Ta dah!!! I'm really proud of me. I know there are lots cooler goals and feats, like my friends who finished an Iron Man Triathlon (say what?!), but it's still a good day to be me. And on top of that, I took my older child shopping, so spend three hours walking around the mall. I'll take that, and the new pair of heels I bought myself. My five-mile medal.

Running Partner

This morning I got my 13-year-old to get up and go running with me. She ran a mile and I am really proud of her. She is going to sign up for the 1-mile fun run on Band Day, so I think she'll keep running with me. It's good because it gives me that extra motivation to get up when staying in bed sounds so good. And it's good because I want to encourage my children to keep exercise as a part of their lives. I don't want them to have to work on picking up that habit in their 30s.

I really need to get some cold-weather running gear. What does that look like? I usually quit running when it gets colder - always sounds like a good excuse to quit. Not this year. I keep hearing my sister's voice... "You said that last year." when I said I would do better at next year's Ride Run. Long term goals are a good thing.

Betty Crocker

We went to a cookoff held by some friends of ours. You can enter ribs, appetizer or dessert, so I stupidly went with dessert. I won! Yay! I have leftovers! Boo! On a positive note, my sister and I used the divide and conquer approach to the tasting of things to vote and so I ended up not overeating.

This evening I have a meeting and I am the cohost, which means I am in charge of refreshments. I thought about doing veggies and dip, but that's not the usual fare for this thing, so I made lemonade cookies which are really good, and am going to make strawberry punch bowl cake which is also really good. I am guessing weigh-in on Wednesday is going to be another draw.

Discontent

Why can't I just seem to be happy on a consistent basis? My brother-in-law, Frontrunner, asked me the other day, "Are women ever happy?" I had to stop and think about that one for a moment. I answered, "Yes. For contained moments."

I have been thinking about my own states of happiness and today was a prime example of my general discontented nature. I got to wear jeans to work due as my prize for being one of the three "biggest losers" at work. I wore my new jeans, which are really denim stretch pants (98% spandex, 1% cotton denim, 1% stitching on the pockets), and they are pretty form fitting and a little long. I wore them with a really pretty silk shirt and my Jessica Simpson platform patent heels. I was having a good hair day and the one zit that decided to crop up was not nearly as menacing as it is right now. I was feeling pretty darn good about myself, even though I skipped my morning run due to rain and cold and darkness.

That good feeling managed to last until I went home. Once there, I started to graze on fruit and cheese and nuts, then gobbled down a few of the chocolates that some damn old lady gave my husband after he did some odd job for her (really, lady, paying him is enough!), and then ate a couple of pieces of pizza for dinner. I did some laundry, tried to straighten up papers that are always cluttering everything around here, then felt defeated by the clutter in my house and started to frown. I went to pick up my child from her cousin's house and she threw a giant fit which deepened my frown. Heard from my sister who is having a fun-filled day in Minneapolis, shopping and dining and coming home to her nice big house, newer car and 9 a.m. workout time and my frown deepened in jealousy. Started reading my psychiatry study book which is dry as three-day-old toast, felt overwhelmed with stupidity and the frown turned into a downright scowl.

So, what started out as a day where I felt pretty good about how I look, about my job, and about my life, ended up as a day where I feel fat, stupid, ineffective and flying my "no fair" flag high in the air. Why is it so hard for me to be satisfied? Why can't I hold that good feeling? Am I that spoiled? Am I that ungrateful? It's days like these where I think I need a good therapist. Know any?

Weighing In

Well, last week I was the "biggest loser" in our program and this week I got nothin. Back to broiled fish for me. Three weeks left of this program and I am 10 pounds shy of my ending goal. I don't think I'm going to make it. I had another goal of running 5 miles and have not made that either. I have some hope that I can still do that one in the next three weeks.

SL5K and Gym Class

No, that's not my password to anything. I finished my second 5K of my life this past weekend and I DID NOT WALK!!! Hooray! Of course, it was a pretty flat course, so not much to really excuse walking. At any rate, I was glad to overcome the urge to walk, because believe me, it was there. It was there ESPECIALLY when there were more of those interval bozos on the route, and they were right in my group of people.

What am I talking about, "group of people?" Well, when you run or participate in any sort of race event, you start in a big herd and then the pack starts to settle out into some sort of paced groups. You have your front-runners, those really skinny folks who were jogging around before the event started in their specialized running gear with timing watches on and expensive sunglasses. My brother-in-law is in that group, but more on him later. Then there is the mid-pack of people who seem a mix of normal-looking people and running buffs, some running solo and some in pairs or small groups. Next we have our straggling joggers, of which I am one, and the interval people who do that annoying quick jogging and then walking pattern. Bringing up the rear we have the people who started out jogging and then gave up and walked the rest of the way and the people who set out in the beginning to walk the whole route - the walkers. I am good with all of those groups, and I know my place. I aspire to be in that mid-pack of folks. I am NOT good with the interval people. I know that I should be ok with them because technically I was one in the last race where I got intimidated by the hills and walked some, but you all recall my distress at the last race after the older dude kept using me as a marker of when to run on up ahead.

Well, dear friends, it almost happened to me again. There was an older lady who would walk and then when I would jog past her she would run on up ahead of me and start walking again. HELL NO! I was not letting that happen again. I made it up the one gradual hill on the route, and on the way down towards the finish line I passed that lady and saw her shadow coming up behind me. NO WAY! I ran faster and kept her right behind me. I knew she could not keep up that pace and she'd drop back to a walk again. She did, and I beat that lady and a couple of 20-somethings who were doing that walk/run bit as well. There is no way that these walk/run folks should beat me when I am not walking. Later, that lady got a medal in her age group of 50 to 59. Oh, the humanity.

Ok, back to my brother-in-law. That freak with the long legs finished the damn 5K in 19 min 53 sec. He got fourth place overall and second in his age group (the largest age group in the race, by the way). Sigh. He is a front runner - 6.5 minute miles. I can't run that fast for one mile, let alone three. I finished the race in 31 minutes 36 seconds. That's a 10 minute, 14 second mile. Embarrassing. He had time to go and have coffee from the time he finished until the time I wandered across the finish line (actually, I sprinted the end).

Do you all remember running the mile in gym class in high school? I hated that. I was bad at it, as you might imagine given my 5K stories. I have figured out that now I am paying to re-experience that memory through 5K running events. It's some sort of masochistic torture, I guess. But, on a bright note, I improved my time by 4 minutes from one 5K to the next (the "hills" factor, I am guessing). Perhaps, I am not merely re-living the gym class failures, but trying to re-define my vision of myself from "non-athletic band dork" to "capable runner."

It's Vintage

While in Chicago, I did a little shopping. I actually breezed through a mall one evenign and after frustration at Express I decided just to window shop. Then, while enjoying an evening with a friend, I wandered into a second-hand store. We have these in Iowa, and they are called Goodwill stores. I never shop there, I just donate things leftover from my garage sale. Is that different from second-hand stores in the city? Probably. Anyway, we wandered in and started glancing through the racks of clothes. I found a pink band-inspired jacket that I liked but was a tad too snug, and then spied a short quilted jacket with a fur collar. It is bisque colored and the fur is sable colored (sounds better than beige and brown, doesn't it?). I loved it and so it came home with me. Once I purchased my treasure, I wondered when on Earth I was going to wear this 1950's 3/4 sleeve jacket. Where in Algona, Iowa is it appropriate to wear such a find without looking like you are dressing for Halloween or a "murder mystery" party?

Today I decided to shuck convention and wear my jacket. I have had more compliments and comments than I can count. I got comments that I look like Jackie O, or Audrey Hepburn or like someone off the pages of a 1950s fashion magazine. All nice. Our senior physician said, "That's nice, you look nice today. Acutally, you look quite striking." That was my favorite comment, "striking." I'll take that.

I wore the jacket with my hair up, hoop earrings on, ruffled leopard print high necked shirt peeking above and below and a brown straight skirt with platform beige pumps. I love this outfit. I feel quite glamorous. I am excited to pair this jacket with jeans sometime as well. I like vintage.

Getting Closer...

Surprisingly, the scale today ssaid a pound less than yesterday. Maybe I got rid of some water weight from the stress of the trip. Three more pounds and I will have lost ten percent. Cool.