I Hate it When I'm Right

Yep, she wants us in the recital. She assured me we can wear something comfy and flattering. Sigh.

Dancer

Oh! And I decided to take dance lessons this year. Not ballroom dance, either, but tap, jazz and ballet lessons. Having never danced before in my entire life, this has been quite a challenge. I was promised that we do not have to dance in the recital. But, as the kids are starting to learn their recital routines, I have the sneaky suspicion that our teacher is going to try to rope me into dancing on the stage. Aack!! The horror!! Can you imagine having to dance on stage and maybe wear some sort of dance costume in public?!! Lord, help me.

At any rate, I am dancing, and I enjoy it. I count it as exercise, because, well, it IS exercise. It uses a lot of muscle groups, so that's a good thing because it keeps my body guessing. We dance in front of huge mirrors, which helps you be able to watch your body positioning and form. It also helps me watch my fat rolls and arm dangle. GROSS! Sigh, maybe I should snap a picture and carry it with me when I want to eat junk. Maybe I could choreograph an interpretive dance that highlights my struggles between wanting a lean and healthy physique and wanting to indulge in sweets and grease and inactivity. ha ha ha ha ha!

Pep Band

Totally different topic!!

I have been playing in the pep band at the high school. This is so much fun! I totally suck at playing the saxophone, but I'm having fun because I don't suck any worse than the high school students. I'm even having my old horn overhauled in preparation for playing in the years to come. I have unleashed my inner, dormant, band nerd. Look out, everyone!

2012

2012 is upon me. I back up to 150 or so (thanks, holiday cookies!), and pretty unhappy about that. I also am in the midst of another PMS round, so that's no good. I have been to the gym a few times this year and will go again to walk on the treadmill, at the very least. I ran a mile this past week, which was nice to know that I could still do it. I'm considering swimming again, but I still have the dilemma with my hair. Plus, I would need to buy an appropriate sPhowim suit, and shopping for one of those would SUCK!!!

I just wrote a big article for the newspaper about keeping, or even really CRAFTING New Year's resolutions effectively. I am the perfect example of "do what I say, not what I do." Phooey.

I really wanted to try to just enjoy 2012 no matter what I weigh. Some days are easier than others. And, I have to tell you, part of this I am blaming on my sister. Why not? It's easier than taking all the accountability myself, and we all know I am all about easy. She, Sahm, keeps losing weight. She, who was my partner in crime when it came to crabbing about exercise and being flabby... No more. She is a certifiable exercise junkie and has melted away to this tiny, model-looking woman. When I am with her, it is really hard to be happy with my self and not feel like my body looks like a nicely dressed turd.

I know the formula here, folks. Exercise...lots. Eat...sensibly. I hate that formula. And, I hate how my body feels and looks when I don't follow that formula. New Year, new attitude? Well, not so far....

I Am Dumb

Well, my high school reunion is upon me in three days. UGH!! I am so dumb!! I had a pretty darn good start with that no/low carb thing and then my birthday came along and PMS and everything went to hell in a hand basket. Do you think I could manage to get down to 140? Hell no. I ate a bunch of junk, didn't run near enough, and am back in the same boat I seem to always be in when it comes to the 4th of July. Again, the flabbiest kid in the group. I know how to manage my weight, I just seem to refuse to do it. So, I guess I'll go to the reunion and see a lot of people and have fun and try not to care about the jiggle in my midsection.

Ok. I added this option to my phone to be able to post from here. Wonder if it will work...

Carboholics Anonymous

Well, I did pretty well after the "thicker" comment, only to fall off the wagon after about a week. Sheesh. I am a carbohydrate addict. My name is Mia and I am a carbohydrate addict. (Hi, Mia.) I realize this but was really at the stage where I wanted to try to find that tricky thing called "moderation." I have the worst time with that!! I either go all out or restrict totally. I just don't know my limits. Or maybe I do and I just plow right through them. One cookie is good, but five is great and awful at the same time. So, maybe like other addictions, it is time for me to just stop. If I surrender completely to the notion that I cannot have cookies, cake, crackers, chocolate, doughnuts.... That thought makes me sad!! How bad is that? None of those foods are essential at all. I could easily live my life in a nutritionally sound manner without another bite of any of those items. Just as an alcoholic can live life without that particular type of beverage, I can live without that particular brand of carbs. I can enjoy fruit, even some bread for a sandwich here or there. But how about if I just say that I am now sober from cake, cookies, crackers, chocolate, donuts and those kinds of sweets? What if I did that? What would I look like? What would I feel like? How would that go at birthdays; or is that just like an alcoholic wondering how New Year's Eve (or birthdays) would go without a beer, wine or highball?

Well, I have been carb sober for a week now. I have dropped some weight, which is nice. Certainly I could stand to lose at least ten more pounds, but I don't know. i'm at the point where I was thinking this "detox" from carbs was a very temporary thing, but now am really contemplating longer term sobriety. Would anyone support me or would they roll their eyes and say I am crazy? People support alcoholics because they can see the destruction that excessive alcohol use brings to their lives. I can't say that my eating of sweets has caused "destruction" but can say that it brings its own brand of unhappiness and unhealthy consequences. Is that enough to call it quits? I don't know... still contemplating....