Fat John Silvers

Today I did not take time for lunch and did not eat breakfast. Dumb. I ate a couple of handfulls of almonds and a fun sized candy bar. Does that count as two meals? Anyway, stupidity aside, I got home and had not done any meal planning and my family wanted out of the house after being at home all day due to crap weather, so we went out for dinner. The kids wanted chicken, so we trekked to KFC, which is also Long John Silver's. The great grease combo! I tried their new "fresh meals" with the grilled salmon and veggies. It was just ok. The chicken planks looked so much better. I also ate one of my husband's hushpuppies. MMmmm, that's more like it.

Dancin Queen

I went out dancing last night. Oh, man, is that ever fun. I love to dance! The DJ was really fun, and tried to play to the wide age range of folks in the room. I went with some girlfriends, a couple of whom I don't hang out with regularly, but they were tons of fun.

We went out for dinner first, and I had a really expensive cup of veggie-beef soup cuz I knew there were going to be "heavy appetizers" at the dance. Hey, I may as well eat them and get my $20 worth. My friend, Rochelle, and I tried everything except the hot wings (TGD would have been in heaven, Em). They had brownie bites - fudge jumbles, scotcheroos, frosted brownies. I tried them all. Mmmmm. And I would feel badly about that, but I danced my fool hind end off, so I figure I worked it off. My scale confirmed that I am doing just fine. yay!

This week, I plan to get back to the gym. Monday and Wednesday is Turbo Kick at 5:15 p.m. and I am determined to get there. Well, except for Monday when I am going to Mason City for my daughter's concert. Sigh... the best made plans... Oh, and some delusional part of my brain decided that I could go to "Body Sculpt" class at 5:30 a.m. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. ahem. I could go.

Smokin' Crack

On Friday night, I went over to my friend's house. This is my hairstylist friend. We had a great time just talking, laughing AND looking at clothes and shoes. She has quite the collection of clothing, and we had fun going through her stuff. Well, she had some dresses that are too big for her after losing some weight so she offered them to me to try on.

She is smokin crack. She, at her heaviest, might be a size 8. Somehow, she looks at me and thinks that might be my size. So, I tried to wriggle into a couple of dresses, but to no avial. She, on the otherhand, found a few things in her closet she forgot she owned and will look fantastic on her. I found more motivation to keep working on my goals. Oh, that and a fantastic pair of shoes that I will be coveting for a long time.

Wii Mii Happii

I got back on my Wii Fit today and yesterday, and my Wii was impressed. I did the toning and some yoga and set a new record in Hula Hooping. I also now can do some boxing, so I tried that out, and it's ok. It made my forearms hurt a little, so I guess I worked some sort of muscle there. There was a snowboarding balance game and I suuuuuucked at that. But it was fun.

AND... my Wii Fit Mii (let me know if you don't know what a Mii is) was very happy cuz that game now says I am in the NORMAL weight range. My hiney is still pretty big on that game, but I'm working on it. It still wants me to lose 17 pounds. Whoo..

I'm just happy to be back out of the 150s. (see tracking space, devoid of f-bombs) Granted, out of the 150's by the skin of my, well, my big butt. But out, none the less.

Be warned... I have a test coming up this weekend. Sigh. Oh! And I found out that I got a 95% as my recorded grade on the last test. Perhaps I got extra bonus points for passing on the first try, instead of taking two retakes like some of my classmates. Or my teacher gave me extra points just for being cool. Yeah, that's probably it.

Make Lemonaide?

Life handed me a big ole lemon this weekend in the form of the stomach flu. Oof, that is as sick as I have been in a long time. Gross. And the worst of it was not the stomach-related nastiness, but the fever, shakes and aches. Wow. And this was in the middle of a weekend where my brother was home from Colorado, and my sister and her kids were visiting. Plus they all went to the gym and that was going to be my workout this week. Shoot.

But, if life hands you lemons...

Lemonaide = I bet I didn't gain any weight this weekend.

Shrinking Spouse

My husband is a good guy. When we met, he was a sophomore in college and had just finished a summer of lifeguarding before returning to school. Tanned, blonde wavy hair, bright blue eyes, great butt.

He would say it is fair to say that he has changed a bit over the years - a bit less hair that is now more brown than blonde, glasses, and not much in the way of a tan. But, I think he still has a great butt. He also would say that he is not quite the same size as when we first met (but then, neither am I). However, in the past couple of months, he has begun to shrink! He has lost about 15 pounds, and he looks great!

Color me proud, and a touch jealous all at the same time. But mostly proud.

It's Like They Knew

In psychology, there is a method/style/skill (whatever) called "Mindfulness" and it really is an ancient Zen practice, but we glommed on to it and now call it "therapy." Anyway, part of mindfulness is the practice of really participating in your experience, and doing so with a non-judgmental stance. So, the moto here is "it is what it is." No only is it what it is, it is neither good nor bad. It just... is. And it is as it is supposed to be, even if it is unpleasant. So we participate in our unpleasant experience, knowing that the only constant is change and thus knowing that it will not last forever and it is neither good nor bad and it is what it is. Got it? No? Me neither. At least, not in practice.

The stars have aligned, and I was born and raised and lived until this exact week in time, and so this week is perfect and is as it is supposed to be. And apparently this adds up to me with Aunt Flo, PMSing through a party last weekend (mmm.. food), not planning dinner so caving to eat out on Monday (hey, a night out with my girls! Fun! mmm.. food), being in Mason City yesterday at meetings where they brought pot luck lunch with brownies (mmm.. food, crap I ate five brownies. how did that happen?), so I got home late and got straight into my online class so ate a piece of pizza at 9:00 p.m. for dinner (mmm.. pizza), and having a recruiting lunch AND dinner at work today (mmm.. cheesecake). It's like they knew this would be the week to throw me off track. And tomorrow - pot luck at lunch at work. Great. I'm going to crawl into a hole and eat lettuce.

How does one accept that this IS what it IS and not judge it? I'm struggling. It's an oink-fest, is what it is, and I'm supposed to be trying to lose weight. Do you think I have worked out? Nope, not once. Not once!! What the hell is the matter with me? (nothing, because if something were the matter with me then that would be judgmental of me to say) I am not behaving in a skillful and effective manner, and I am angry about the results. How crazy is that?

I think I need a good therapist. Know any?

Mileage Report

I logged 8 miles last week - not great, but not zero. That puts me at 39 miles. I will make better effort this week. No test looming over my head. Yay! I have not weighed myself. Maybe tomorrow. Sahm's scale said 151.5, but I need to weigh on my own scale to see how that's going. After this past weekend, I'm guessing not so great. sigh.

Back to the Drawing Board

Well, this weekend is a semi-bust on the diet scale. I did Turbo again yesterday for a whopping two workouts and the day is not over today, so perhaps I can make three workouts this week. I went to our office Christmas (Valentine's?) party last night and ate way too much, as is the case at those events. Chips, dips, (no chains or whips), and scotcheroos and chocolate frosted brownies! Yummy.

Today I took my neuroscience test, and it was awful, but I passed. I've never been so happy to get 87.5% in my life. You have to get 80% to pass. Whew. I was literally shaking at times, I was so stressed out by it. Unfortunately, I can also now explain all of the fine neurological points of WHY I was shaking and which path those neuronal signals took in my body to express the shaking. So, I stressed myself out AND upped my nerd factor by at least 10.

We are supposed to have cards this evening, but I don't think anyone is coming. Is it bad to say I am relieved? I want to stay home and watch movies and knit. Unfortunately, I need to read more for class and pay bills. waah, waaaaaaah. This may call for a trip to Sahms for more scotcheroos.

Stressed = Desserts backwards

I believe that I have mentioned my latest quest for furhter education. I'm taking classes toward a new master's degree, and made it through the first semester and am part-way through the second. The first semester was about general physiology, and was a lot of new vocabulary, but at least most of our physiological systems make some intuitive sense. This semester, we are working on Neuroscience and later, Neuropharmacology. Neuro.. having to do with the brain.

Our noodles are complicated little organs, and involve intricate little parts with crazy names. In addition, the way that it works deals with electrochemical forces and equations and junk like that. Needless to say, it's hard stuff. Our first test has rolled around, and we get to take it online, though there is a time limit, so you can't just sit around looking up the answers to every question as you go along. We have until Sunday to get it submitted, and it is stressin me out!! I am re-reading everything, so this takes up every evening. I have one more chapter of review and then I will take the flippin thing. One chaper is about 25 pages long, and it takes me about 1.5 hours to make it through that, taking notes as I go and pausing to scratch my head and re-read the sentences three or four times.

This is as unpleasant a task as I can stand. It makes me frantic, wondering if I'll get it and pass, or whether I will flunk this class. And not understanding it fully on the first read-through frazzles me. What do I do?! I want cookies and chocolate and buttered popcorn, that's what. See, normally, I would have a bunch of sweets and tasty treats right there, and this would bring enough pleasure to counteract the pain of the task and make it bearable. What do I do now??! I'm not gonna lie. I have eaten at least one cookie (vanilla sandwich cremes, Fareway brand - normally no temptation at all but I'm desperate) and Dove chocolate each night that I am working on this. Last night I was two steps from the buttery popcorn.

Exercise is supposed to be stress-relieving, but if I do that, I will not have time to get my reading done after the kids are in bed. Shoot. And it's not the immediate counteracting force that cookies afford. Last night I tried one of those flavored mix-ins for my bottled water. Sweet, without the calories. It helped me avoid the popcorn, but it was not the same satisfaction. Maybe I'll try chewing gum. Next week will be better.

The Magical Fruit

Last week I got my hair colored and cut, effectively wiping away any trace of the fact that older age is marching its way across my head. Ahhh. I love my hairstylist. Really! I believe I have mentioned her before. She and I have been asked if we are sisters, which we both find amusing and fun. If we WERE sisters, she'd be the hot and sexy one and I'd be the pretty but average one. She has a perfect figure - or at least my version of perfect. Hourglass. She works at it - working out regularly, staying away from fried foods most of the time, focusing on healthy eating habits.

Last week while I was getting my hair done, she shared that she has been eating this bean salad stuff, and had some and gave me a taste. Mmm, tasty. So I got the recipe and made it, and I really like it. Here's the basics:

2 cans each of garbanzo beans, black beans, red beans or kidney beans. Broccoli slaw (shredded broccoli, or you could use finely chopped along with julienne carrots and some raddichio) - and you just add as much or little of that as you'd like. Pine nuts or whatever kind of nut you might enjoy. Chopped green onion. You mix all this together and then mix together some olive oil, balsamic vinegar, packet of stevia (sweetener - good stuff), dried mustard, sesame, garlic powder, or you can chop up a garlic clove and throw that in instead, tarragon. Then you pour the dressing over the whole mix and toss that around to coat. Stick it in the fridge and voila! Bean Salad.

Great! But it makes a popcorn bowl full of this stuff, so I have a ton. I eat it with a fork. I eat it on crackers. I eat it rolled up in a tortilla with some shredded chesse. I eat it as a side dish at dinner. I could eat it at breakfast. And there is still some left. Oof. But it is very healthy - lots of protein and fiber and veggies and stuff. Again, Great!

Um, but what's that old rhyme about Beans?.... (see title) Yeah. I guess this is why man made products like Bean-o.

My Newest Excuse! Thanks, Paul Harvey!

Paul Harvey read a story yesterday on his little program that noted that women are less able to control their appetites than men. Don't believe me? I have included the link to the story...

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1625785/women_less_able_to_control_appetite_than_men/index.html

So I say, "AH HA!" I fly the "no fair" flag high in the air and do a march around it with my bugle. I knew it! I'm programmed to be a ravenous hog! It's harder for me to deny that brownie than it is my spouse or brother or brother-in-laws. Add this to the fact that it is harder for me to lose weight than it is for a man, and well, I think we can all see the inequities here. What is even more off-puting is that the pressure for thinness is squarely aimed more at women. Join me in my "no fair" parade, will you? And we'll all hold signs that read: WTF?!

Pain - Acceptance = Misery (and other random stuff)

If you note the tracking space, I weighed myself this morning, and the scale certainly said better things than 154.6, but still not great. My logical mind KNOWS that 2 pounds per week is a healthy weight loss (and I lost 2.6, even better), and actually one pound per week is great. And if I lost 1 pound per week for four months, I would be at my goal. Heck, if I lost 1 pound per week for three months, I would be pretty happy at 140 pounds by May 1st - fitting comfortably back into my Spring/Summer wardrobe from last year.

I KNOW these things, but I have trouble accepting them. I don't accept that it will take concentrated effort for three or four months to reach my goal and then more effort to maintain it. I don't accept that 2.6 pounds in a week is something to celebrate. No, I reject that notion and internally pout about why I couldn't have lost five pounds and be back in the 140's. It's the 150 and over weight range that gets my undies in a bunch. I just have this thing about 150... it is a baaaaaad number. So, I guess my options would be to be grumpy about it or keep on trekkin on, denying myself cookies and cake and the breaded pork tenderloin with chips that is available for lunch in the cafeteria. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....

I got on my Wii Fit again last night and it said I had gained .2 pounds in four days, but I'm chalking that up to different workout clothes or perhaps I just needed to make a deposit at my local bank of poo. I did the yoga section, and it was ok. The hula hooping kicked my butt again, but I got a new record of 423 spins on one side. My core was burning!

AND, I was at a meeting from 6:30 until 8:45 last night and they had a giant jelly-roll pan full of chocolate brownies with chocolate frosting. These things were plated up in 3-inch by 3-inch squares, and it took every ounce of strength I had to not eat one.

Superbowl Fatday

Woo, this past weekend was a bit of a calorie-fest. There was a party on Sat. night with a buffet of goodies, and I practiced restraint, but still. Then there was Sunday, where I was really tired and sore and so I did not get on my Wii Fit or Hamster Wheel. Later on, pizza was had, and I ate some sour cream and onion dip on flattened pretzles (I love those things). Guilt ensues and I have not weighed myself. Maybe tomorrow.

12 miles this past week. So, add that on, and where am I? Past Britt! 31 miles or so, right? Lisa, where you at?