Failure and Defeat

I have been going to school for two years to get some crazy degree that I do not need, but might come in handy at my workplace. I believe I have complained about this in the past. I am an IDIOT for trying to do school while I work and have a family and a life (especially one that is trying to include healthy eating and exercise). Whatever. What's done is done.

I took a comprehensive test this evening over the entire two years of schooling and I got a 74%. Barf. Barf!!! I think I needed an 80% to pass. Triple barf! I have never flunked a test before. Never. And I have been going to school, off and on, for a whole lot of years, people. This is a horrible feeling. If I truly failed, which is likely, then I will have another opportunity (read: I will HAVE to put myself through torture) to take the test again in the Spring. I don't want to do it. But if I do not, I will not get the degree and then what was the damn point of going through the f-ing schooling?

Arrgh!! AND, I have been stress-eating like nobody's business in preparation for the test. I am like a train off its tracks. I quit doing the food journal and have been lucky to work out twice per week in those last two weeks. I am pretty damn sure I am gaining weight as a result. I bought a scale for my bathroom and am too afraid to get on the dumb thing. I feel defeated.

I will not end up defeated, mind you. No way. If I stayed in this mode I would need some sort of antidepressants. I will pick myself up, dust myself off and get my ass back on track. I have a dance to attend this weekend and I have a freshly applied spray tan and that is not going to waste. After that, I will start reading my school books so that by Spring there will be no possible way for me to fail another one of these awful tests.

Either that, or I will lay on the sofa, let my house get really messy, wear nothing but sweatpants and eat cake all day.