Like My Tan? It's Fake.

I went to Florida a month ago or so. Before I went, I decided not to be the whitest person there and got a spray tan. I was a spray tan virgin at the time, and thought I would share the lessons learned with any of you who might also be sans spray-tan experience.

Spray tanning is kinda gross. I mean, I stood in a little room where the walls and floor were caked with layers of spray tan overshot from clients past. The carpet was mildly matted and tacky with the stuff. Yick. There were a couple of box fans and an oscillating fan, also with a fine coat of brownish gunge. More on these later..

When I made the appointment, the folks at the tannery let me know that I could wear swimwear, old undies, or anything I didn't mind getting spray tan stuff on. I was also welcome to be in the buff. Okey dokey. I went with the old undies option. Let me just say that I would not recommend wearing anything you care about - that spray tan stuff does not wash cleanly.

Then they start up the air compressor on the car painting equipment and start sweeping a fine mist of tanning spray all over you, as you stand in that pose into which gingerbread men are cut. You also get to wear a pretty shower cap (I'd recommend hair in a pony tail for this experience) and hold your breath for getting your face sprayed. After many coats and a careful once over by your spray tan artist, the fans are turned on you. Nothing like being finely misted with liquid stuff and then having fans pointed at you. BRRRRR!! After a while of drying time, you get to put your clothing back on and go about your business. I would not plan any big events immediately after tanning this way. The smell is not great. Not horrible, but not great.

You cannot wash any part of yourself for about 10 hours after the spraying, so plan accordingly. They even say you cannot wash your hands. EW! But if you go crazy washing your hands, apparently the effect is that your hands look like you tanned with gloves on them. I tried to wash quickly and concentrate on soap on the palms. I'm sorry, I am not going to skip washing my hands after going to the bathroom. That's just nasty. It felt good to shower the next morning and get rid of that tanning smell.

The nice part is that the spray tan looks pretty darn good! It lasted about four days. Unfortunately, it discolors your toenails. If doing this again, I would paint my toenails at least with clear polish before going. Maybe that would come off better. This stuff is still growing off of my toenails and cannot be removed with polish remover. I just painted over it to get rid of that nasty yellowed effect. I also had not taken into account the change that having an instant tan would require in my makeup. I figured it out well enough, but something to think about in the future.

All in all, I give spray tanning a thumbs neutral. Good result, not-so-fun process. All said, I'd do it again. Tan fat looks better than white fat.