Crime and Punishment

Did I ever fall of the wagon this time. Woooooooo. I have gained about 12 pounds in four months. Ouch. So, all of my clothing that I was proudly wearing is too small. I am so angry with myself! I know how this happened - quit exercising and ate whatever I wanted (which is mostly cookies).

My wardrobe is a shambles of stuff that I hung onto from heavier seasons past. As punishment for my crimes against myself I am refusing to buy any new clothing. I can just suffer through and wear this worn-out junk until I get my rear in gear and in shape again. Take that, lazy arss.

In other news, I believe I also found a flaw in my previous thinking and actions that supported my weight gain. After I had lost some weight, I hung on to all of my heavier-seasons clothing. It was easy to gain the weight because I had clothing I could wear. Heck I had not really bought well-fitting clothes (not that many, anyway) and a lot of my clothes were too big. This encourages weight gain because there was no discomfort in my clothes. It is only now, when I am wearing my biggest stuff and if I gain any more I have to buy bigger.... um, no. There's where I draw the line. See? I think if I had invested in a new wardrobe and gotten rid of the old stuff, perhaps that line could have been at five or seven pounds instead of 12. Sigh. Lesson learned, I suppose. Won't make that mistake again. It's just scary to get rid of those bigger sizes when my past pattern has been to lose weight and then gain it back. But, maybe getting rid of the clothes is an important step. That's my theory, anyway. I'll test it THIS time when I lose the weight AGAIN with those healthy habits that tend to serve me well.

In other news: I am going on a trip in about three weeks, so I would like to lose five pounds by then. That's doable. Let's see if I can get there, shall we? I do not want to go in my ratty clothing. I want to pitch those items in favor of a few cute new duds in which to cavort on vacation. It's a good goal.

What the Hell?!

I pride myself on being a fairly intelligent person. After all, I went though graduate school, passed national licensure exams, and am continuing studies. I can carry on a converstaion with some fluidity and know the difference in spellings/useage for the various form of their/there/they're.

I know not to use drugs. They are fun in the short term and bad for you in the long run. They turn out like a country song - lose your job, lose your house, lose your kids and your spouse and your dog and your teeth. No thanks.

I do not gamble. It's fun for a little bit, but in the end I walk away with no money and nothing fun to show for it.

I drive a minivan. It is practical, it hauls a lot of things, it has a DVD player for the kids. It is paid for. I don't buy a new vehicle because I would have to finance that purchase and I hate paying lots of interest, and the van is in good working order.

See? Fairly rational, even practical. So WHY IN THE HELL did I bake cookies at 9 p.m. last night? I am a nut ball.

Like My Tan? It's Fake.

I went to Florida a month ago or so. Before I went, I decided not to be the whitest person there and got a spray tan. I was a spray tan virgin at the time, and thought I would share the lessons learned with any of you who might also be sans spray-tan experience.

Spray tanning is kinda gross. I mean, I stood in a little room where the walls and floor were caked with layers of spray tan overshot from clients past. The carpet was mildly matted and tacky with the stuff. Yick. There were a couple of box fans and an oscillating fan, also with a fine coat of brownish gunge. More on these later..

When I made the appointment, the folks at the tannery let me know that I could wear swimwear, old undies, or anything I didn't mind getting spray tan stuff on. I was also welcome to be in the buff. Okey dokey. I went with the old undies option. Let me just say that I would not recommend wearing anything you care about - that spray tan stuff does not wash cleanly.

Then they start up the air compressor on the car painting equipment and start sweeping a fine mist of tanning spray all over you, as you stand in that pose into which gingerbread men are cut. You also get to wear a pretty shower cap (I'd recommend hair in a pony tail for this experience) and hold your breath for getting your face sprayed. After many coats and a careful once over by your spray tan artist, the fans are turned on you. Nothing like being finely misted with liquid stuff and then having fans pointed at you. BRRRRR!! After a while of drying time, you get to put your clothing back on and go about your business. I would not plan any big events immediately after tanning this way. The smell is not great. Not horrible, but not great.

You cannot wash any part of yourself for about 10 hours after the spraying, so plan accordingly. They even say you cannot wash your hands. EW! But if you go crazy washing your hands, apparently the effect is that your hands look like you tanned with gloves on them. I tried to wash quickly and concentrate on soap on the palms. I'm sorry, I am not going to skip washing my hands after going to the bathroom. That's just nasty. It felt good to shower the next morning and get rid of that tanning smell.

The nice part is that the spray tan looks pretty darn good! It lasted about four days. Unfortunately, it discolors your toenails. If doing this again, I would paint my toenails at least with clear polish before going. Maybe that would come off better. This stuff is still growing off of my toenails and cannot be removed with polish remover. I just painted over it to get rid of that nasty yellowed effect. I also had not taken into account the change that having an instant tan would require in my makeup. I figured it out well enough, but something to think about in the future.

All in all, I give spray tanning a thumbs neutral. Good result, not-so-fun process. All said, I'd do it again. Tan fat looks better than white fat.