I have regained my voice! Well, it doesn't sound much like my voice yet, but it's at least A voice. But the cold that started this mess has remained. My head is in misery with stuffiness, and my nice coworkers noticed and being a bunch of medical professionals, they all had a resounding endorsement of a remedy called "the Nedi Pot." What the... They pointed me to the pharmacy desk, where our pharmacist, Ron, pulled a box from the shelf and showed me a small plastic blue teapot with a bunch of packets the size of moist towelets.
Ron explained that the Nedi Pot is all about rinsing out your sinuses. See, you take a packet (which contains about a half teaspon of salt - can later be replaced with Morton's pickling salt) and mix it with a cup of warm water in the teapot. Then, and here's where I furrowed my brow and pursed my lips in skepticism, you lean over your tub or sink, tilt your head to the side and POUR THE WATER IN ONE NOSTRIL, LETTING IT DRAIN OUT THE OTHER ONE. Say what?! Pour water INTO my nose?? Wait, isn't that generally bad? It sure is unpleasant the few times it has happened to me at the pool...
Ron assured me that it does not hurt, and that I would not drown myself, though if I didn't have my head tilted correctly it would drain down my throat into and out my mouth - EW! Apparently the salt water is what keeps it from being painful, which made sense to me, given that the water in utero has the same salty concentration as the ocean, and gargling with salt water has often been recommended to decrease the pain caused by inflamation in the throat. Why do I know that? Because it is rediculous trivia that has very little utility and therefore sticks in my head rather than whatever I was supposed to remember to tell my spouse about changes in my schedule that impact him. But I digress...
I bit. I bought the teapot and took it home. I put the water and salt in there and then stood looking at this thing and myself in the mirror, thinking, 'There is no way I am going to be able to do this.' But, I raised the pot, lowered my head and sealed off one nostril with the spout, and poured. This was one of the weirdest sensations, I must say. And the process is, er, messy. I should probably video tape it and send it in to some contest, as I am sure it would be pretty funny to watch. Well, "funny" might not be the right word. I think it would be one of those things that would make you simultaneously open your mouth and cover it with your hand in shocked but curious incredulousity. (I think I just made up that word - incredulousity). Once the water is through one side, you are to farmer blow the offending sinus junk out of yourself and you cannot plug any nostrils to do so - a clear farmer blow if you please - to avoid blowing out your eardrums. Disgusting, I know. Then you start the fun on the other side.
And, gross as it was (and is), it worked. So now I, too, am one who endorses the Nedi Pot in all of its disgusting homeopathic wonder, right up there with Zycam. So, go out and buy yourselves one for all of your sinus headache problems, likely found at your local pharmacy. Just be careful to keep the box if you have young children. Nobody wants to wander into the bathroom to find their child having a tea party with their nose flusher.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Silence is Golden
Unless it is because of laryngitis, which I have. I can't produce any noise above a whisper, unless you count that high squeaky sound that peeps out of my voicebox when I laugh. It started with a cold that did it's usual number on my voice, the "usual number" being one where my voice drops a few whole notes and takes on a rhaspy quality. I've been told it's not unappealing, in a Kathleen Turner kind of way. So, that's fine with me. Annoying as colds are, I can survive.
But this morning... nothin doin, no voice. And I think it is highly amusing, I have to tell you. It's just weird that I go to talk and no sound comes out. People's reactions are really funny, too. Some of them will whisper back to me, like we're sharing a secret except that we're talking about where my car is located in the parking lot (to the grocery carry-out girl) or how the other person is doing (in casual conversation - how are you? fine, how are you?). Some of them have looked at me like I've stopped taking some important medications that make me sane. And others look at me as if I am a completely rude snob who refuses to say hello, but only mouths "hi" and nods.
The only real hinderance is when there is background noise, like my sister running some water. Nope, can't be heard over that. Nor can I be heard over any radio, or by my children in the backseat of the car when I am driving, or if anyone is emptying a dishwasher, or calling me on the telephone in a place where there is one iota of sound besides my whispering voice on the other end of the line. I have already adapted somewhat and have resorted to clapping my hands in a short and sharp series to get my children's attention. I can also whistle a tune, but I am whistle deficient when it comes to those loud piercing whistles that could grab other's attention. I am headed to a crowded festival this weekend.... that ought to be interesting. Let's hope I get some vocal power back soon, or else I'll be out there with a small notebook in my back pocket and pen perched behind my ear. Dorkarific communicado.
But this morning... nothin doin, no voice. And I think it is highly amusing, I have to tell you. It's just weird that I go to talk and no sound comes out. People's reactions are really funny, too. Some of them will whisper back to me, like we're sharing a secret except that we're talking about where my car is located in the parking lot (to the grocery carry-out girl) or how the other person is doing (in casual conversation - how are you? fine, how are you?). Some of them have looked at me like I've stopped taking some important medications that make me sane. And others look at me as if I am a completely rude snob who refuses to say hello, but only mouths "hi" and nods.
The only real hinderance is when there is background noise, like my sister running some water. Nope, can't be heard over that. Nor can I be heard over any radio, or by my children in the backseat of the car when I am driving, or if anyone is emptying a dishwasher, or calling me on the telephone in a place where there is one iota of sound besides my whispering voice on the other end of the line. I have already adapted somewhat and have resorted to clapping my hands in a short and sharp series to get my children's attention. I can also whistle a tune, but I am whistle deficient when it comes to those loud piercing whistles that could grab other's attention. I am headed to a crowded festival this weekend.... that ought to be interesting. Let's hope I get some vocal power back soon, or else I'll be out there with a small notebook in my back pocket and pen perched behind my ear. Dorkarific communicado.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Reality Reaches Out a Hand
...and smacks me one right in the kisser.
I just reviewed my blog and realized that it has been a full year (actually, MORE than a year) since I started this thing. And in my tracking space (Remember that thing? I hardly notice its dusty, stagnant existance over there in the corner.), it notes my starting weight and my goal weight. In the span of one year, I have managed to lose, well, about five pounds. Geez Louise, that is sad. So, I would say that I have disproved my hypothesis that writing a blog would motivate me to stick to healthy habits and shed unwanted pounds. Shoot. I was hoping this was the key.
As it turns out, this is only the key to my enjoyment of writing and having other people respond to it. So, stay tuned this year and we'll see what gnarly adventures unfold.
I'll have to remember next year in early September and we can all have a party to celebrate my blogiversary. Thanks for reading, everyone!
I just reviewed my blog and realized that it has been a full year (actually, MORE than a year) since I started this thing. And in my tracking space (Remember that thing? I hardly notice its dusty, stagnant existance over there in the corner.), it notes my starting weight and my goal weight. In the span of one year, I have managed to lose, well, about five pounds. Geez Louise, that is sad. So, I would say that I have disproved my hypothesis that writing a blog would motivate me to stick to healthy habits and shed unwanted pounds. Shoot. I was hoping this was the key.
As it turns out, this is only the key to my enjoyment of writing and having other people respond to it. So, stay tuned this year and we'll see what gnarly adventures unfold.
I'll have to remember next year in early September and we can all have a party to celebrate my blogiversary. Thanks for reading, everyone!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The Hollywood Diet
Reporting live from the crapper.... it's me!!! Oh, that's way gross, sorry folks. I have made it through 48 hours of clear liquids and have discovered a few things I will share with you all. You're welcome (in advance of your thanks).
1) Beef broth is gross. Seriously now, plain beef broth is like greasy water with slight beef aftertaste and strong hint of tin-can flavoring. My stomach turns just thinking about it.. or is that the laxative I had to drink...
2) Fleets Phosphasoda is gross. I even mixed it with 7-up over ice, and it still tasted a bit like watered-down snot - all salty and thick (and the 7-up was DIET, so it wasn't the syrup from that!). My stomach and throat clench with the thought of another round of that stuff tomorrow morning. Oh, the humanity!
3) Sitting on the can for long periods of time is painful. My legs have threatened to go to sleep a few times. I'd get up and wander around a bit, but after having nothing solid to eat for the past two days, I'm concerned that I'll not make it back to the toity in time for the next stomach cramp to unleash it's fury.
4) Laptop computers are good for this sort of scenario. Hey, I am typing to you all, passing the time when I could be focusing on my miserable stomach. I also attended my online class this evening, all from the discomfort of my bathroom throne. I knew that wireless router was a good purchase...
5) I do not like people when I don't feel good. My very nice husband is trying to be sweet to me and offer me any assistance, but when I don't feel good I want to be left ALONE. That's terrible of me, isn't it. I'm such a bitch.
6) Jello and Mister Misty Freeze's are good. I highly recommend them when on this dumb diet plan. Jello almost feels like good solid food. That's how pathetic this is. Gum is also helpful for a while.
So, that's about all the helpful pointers I can stand to dole out. The only bonus of this thing is that I will weigh myself tomorrow and feel really thin. And, hey, I can test out my theory on the "fasting" cure for bottomlesspititis, though I have an inkling that this could prompt a resurgance of the disease. I was right about one thing; this treatment plan is rather unpleasant. I can't believe people in Hollywood do this sort of thing on purpose before red carpet events. Really? THIS is the price of fame and beauty? Frumpy anonymity never looked better...
1) Beef broth is gross. Seriously now, plain beef broth is like greasy water with slight beef aftertaste and strong hint of tin-can flavoring. My stomach turns just thinking about it.. or is that the laxative I had to drink...
2) Fleets Phosphasoda is gross. I even mixed it with 7-up over ice, and it still tasted a bit like watered-down snot - all salty and thick (and the 7-up was DIET, so it wasn't the syrup from that!). My stomach and throat clench with the thought of another round of that stuff tomorrow morning. Oh, the humanity!
3) Sitting on the can for long periods of time is painful. My legs have threatened to go to sleep a few times. I'd get up and wander around a bit, but after having nothing solid to eat for the past two days, I'm concerned that I'll not make it back to the toity in time for the next stomach cramp to unleash it's fury.
4) Laptop computers are good for this sort of scenario. Hey, I am typing to you all, passing the time when I could be focusing on my miserable stomach. I also attended my online class this evening, all from the discomfort of my bathroom throne. I knew that wireless router was a good purchase...
5) I do not like people when I don't feel good. My very nice husband is trying to be sweet to me and offer me any assistance, but when I don't feel good I want to be left ALONE. That's terrible of me, isn't it. I'm such a bitch.
6) Jello and Mister Misty Freeze's are good. I highly recommend them when on this dumb diet plan. Jello almost feels like good solid food. That's how pathetic this is. Gum is also helpful for a while.
So, that's about all the helpful pointers I can stand to dole out. The only bonus of this thing is that I will weigh myself tomorrow and feel really thin. And, hey, I can test out my theory on the "fasting" cure for bottomlesspititis, though I have an inkling that this could prompt a resurgance of the disease. I was right about one thing; this treatment plan is rather unpleasant. I can't believe people in Hollywood do this sort of thing on purpose before red carpet events. Really? THIS is the price of fame and beauty? Frumpy anonymity never looked better...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Five Down, 48 To Go
Today I have started my prep for a colonoscopy slated for Friday. Preparations include two days of a "clear liquid diet" (see posting on "things that suck")and I am five hours into this thing and already want solid food. I am a giant wimp!! Sigh
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Things That Suck
In the past two weeks, life has handed me some shitty reminders that it's not all a cake walk in the park. So, let me just take a moment to acknowledge some things in life that just really suck (in no particular order).
1) Mental illness.
2) Infidelity
3) Bitchy people - except for me or my friends/family when we are venting. I'm talking about people who are bitchy for no odd stupid reason. They suck.
4) Clear liquid diets.
5) Paper cuts
6) Cellular biology
7) When your children suffer.
8) Helplessness - I hate when I can't do a damn thing about a damn thing!
9) Cancer and all that goes with it.
10) Selfishness
11) Unnecessary drama
12) Buttinskis - I am aware that am one sometimes, and I suck when I am.
13) Miscarriages
14) Money
15) Health insurance companies
I could go on and on and on. But, I'll stop here and know that it does NOT suck to get that sort of junk off of my mental plate. Feel free to weigh in on anything important you think I may have missed here.
1) Mental illness.
2) Infidelity
3) Bitchy people - except for me or my friends/family when we are venting. I'm talking about people who are bitchy for no odd stupid reason. They suck.
4) Clear liquid diets.
5) Paper cuts
6) Cellular biology
7) When your children suffer.
8) Helplessness - I hate when I can't do a damn thing about a damn thing!
9) Cancer and all that goes with it.
10) Selfishness
11) Unnecessary drama
12) Buttinskis - I am aware that am one sometimes, and I suck when I am.
13) Miscarriages
14) Money
15) Health insurance companies
I could go on and on and on. But, I'll stop here and know that it does NOT suck to get that sort of junk off of my mental plate. Feel free to weigh in on anything important you think I may have missed here.
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