Reporting live from the crapper.... it's me!!! Oh, that's way gross, sorry folks. I have made it through 48 hours of clear liquids and have discovered a few things I will share with you all. You're welcome (in advance of your thanks).
1) Beef broth is gross. Seriously now, plain beef broth is like greasy water with slight beef aftertaste and strong hint of tin-can flavoring. My stomach turns just thinking about it.. or is that the laxative I had to drink...
2) Fleets Phosphasoda is gross. I even mixed it with 7-up over ice, and it still tasted a bit like watered-down snot - all salty and thick (and the 7-up was DIET, so it wasn't the syrup from that!). My stomach and throat clench with the thought of another round of that stuff tomorrow morning. Oh, the humanity!
3) Sitting on the can for long periods of time is painful. My legs have threatened to go to sleep a few times. I'd get up and wander around a bit, but after having nothing solid to eat for the past two days, I'm concerned that I'll not make it back to the toity in time for the next stomach cramp to unleash it's fury.
4) Laptop computers are good for this sort of scenario. Hey, I am typing to you all, passing the time when I could be focusing on my miserable stomach. I also attended my online class this evening, all from the discomfort of my bathroom throne. I knew that wireless router was a good purchase...
5) I do not like people when I don't feel good. My very nice husband is trying to be sweet to me and offer me any assistance, but when I don't feel good I want to be left ALONE. That's terrible of me, isn't it. I'm such a bitch.
6) Jello and Mister Misty Freeze's are good. I highly recommend them when on this dumb diet plan. Jello almost feels like good solid food. That's how pathetic this is. Gum is also helpful for a while.
So, that's about all the helpful pointers I can stand to dole out. The only bonus of this thing is that I will weigh myself tomorrow and feel really thin. And, hey, I can test out my theory on the "fasting" cure for bottomlesspititis, though I have an inkling that this could prompt a resurgance of the disease. I was right about one thing; this treatment plan is rather unpleasant. I can't believe people in Hollywood do this sort of thing on purpose before red carpet events. Really? THIS is the price of fame and beauty? Frumpy anonymity never looked better...
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3 comments:
Hmm, so I should buy one of those padded toilet seats in advance (the kind that whistle when you sit down)? Do they even sell those anymore? I can't believe you have to do 2 rounds of the stuff either. Some scientist needs to figure out a better way to check your colon without all the torturous preparation!
I am sure they could check it while there is stuff still in there.....ewwwww
Em, if you can't find a padded toilet seat I know of about 100 elderly people here that still have them. I am sure I could steal one without them knowing. They even whistle and everything. I just saw an olive green one last week that would be perfect.
Wishing you luck on the testing....I will be thinking of you!
That padded toilet seat would be great - I'll get you one as a Christmas gift. Put it on your list.
And Lisa, if you show up with stuff in your colon, they send you straight home, exclaiming, "This lady is full of shit!" Seriously, though - some older guy who was supposed to have his scope after me was sent home cuz he didn't poop his guts out enough. I think he cheated on the prep. Cheaters never win.
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