...and smacks me one right in the kisser.
I just reviewed my blog and realized that it has been a full year (actually, MORE than a year) since I started this thing. And in my tracking space (Remember that thing? I hardly notice its dusty, stagnant existance over there in the corner.), it notes my starting weight and my goal weight. In the span of one year, I have managed to lose, well, about five pounds. Geez Louise, that is sad. So, I would say that I have disproved my hypothesis that writing a blog would motivate me to stick to healthy habits and shed unwanted pounds. Shoot. I was hoping this was the key.
As it turns out, this is only the key to my enjoyment of writing and having other people respond to it. So, stay tuned this year and we'll see what gnarly adventures unfold.
I'll have to remember next year in early September and we can all have a party to celebrate my blogiversary. Thanks for reading, everyone!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The Hollywood Diet
Reporting live from the crapper.... it's me!!! Oh, that's way gross, sorry folks. I have made it through 48 hours of clear liquids and have discovered a few things I will share with you all. You're welcome (in advance of your thanks).
1) Beef broth is gross. Seriously now, plain beef broth is like greasy water with slight beef aftertaste and strong hint of tin-can flavoring. My stomach turns just thinking about it.. or is that the laxative I had to drink...
2) Fleets Phosphasoda is gross. I even mixed it with 7-up over ice, and it still tasted a bit like watered-down snot - all salty and thick (and the 7-up was DIET, so it wasn't the syrup from that!). My stomach and throat clench with the thought of another round of that stuff tomorrow morning. Oh, the humanity!
3) Sitting on the can for long periods of time is painful. My legs have threatened to go to sleep a few times. I'd get up and wander around a bit, but after having nothing solid to eat for the past two days, I'm concerned that I'll not make it back to the toity in time for the next stomach cramp to unleash it's fury.
4) Laptop computers are good for this sort of scenario. Hey, I am typing to you all, passing the time when I could be focusing on my miserable stomach. I also attended my online class this evening, all from the discomfort of my bathroom throne. I knew that wireless router was a good purchase...
5) I do not like people when I don't feel good. My very nice husband is trying to be sweet to me and offer me any assistance, but when I don't feel good I want to be left ALONE. That's terrible of me, isn't it. I'm such a bitch.
6) Jello and Mister Misty Freeze's are good. I highly recommend them when on this dumb diet plan. Jello almost feels like good solid food. That's how pathetic this is. Gum is also helpful for a while.
So, that's about all the helpful pointers I can stand to dole out. The only bonus of this thing is that I will weigh myself tomorrow and feel really thin. And, hey, I can test out my theory on the "fasting" cure for bottomlesspititis, though I have an inkling that this could prompt a resurgance of the disease. I was right about one thing; this treatment plan is rather unpleasant. I can't believe people in Hollywood do this sort of thing on purpose before red carpet events. Really? THIS is the price of fame and beauty? Frumpy anonymity never looked better...
1) Beef broth is gross. Seriously now, plain beef broth is like greasy water with slight beef aftertaste and strong hint of tin-can flavoring. My stomach turns just thinking about it.. or is that the laxative I had to drink...
2) Fleets Phosphasoda is gross. I even mixed it with 7-up over ice, and it still tasted a bit like watered-down snot - all salty and thick (and the 7-up was DIET, so it wasn't the syrup from that!). My stomach and throat clench with the thought of another round of that stuff tomorrow morning. Oh, the humanity!
3) Sitting on the can for long periods of time is painful. My legs have threatened to go to sleep a few times. I'd get up and wander around a bit, but after having nothing solid to eat for the past two days, I'm concerned that I'll not make it back to the toity in time for the next stomach cramp to unleash it's fury.
4) Laptop computers are good for this sort of scenario. Hey, I am typing to you all, passing the time when I could be focusing on my miserable stomach. I also attended my online class this evening, all from the discomfort of my bathroom throne. I knew that wireless router was a good purchase...
5) I do not like people when I don't feel good. My very nice husband is trying to be sweet to me and offer me any assistance, but when I don't feel good I want to be left ALONE. That's terrible of me, isn't it. I'm such a bitch.
6) Jello and Mister Misty Freeze's are good. I highly recommend them when on this dumb diet plan. Jello almost feels like good solid food. That's how pathetic this is. Gum is also helpful for a while.
So, that's about all the helpful pointers I can stand to dole out. The only bonus of this thing is that I will weigh myself tomorrow and feel really thin. And, hey, I can test out my theory on the "fasting" cure for bottomlesspititis, though I have an inkling that this could prompt a resurgance of the disease. I was right about one thing; this treatment plan is rather unpleasant. I can't believe people in Hollywood do this sort of thing on purpose before red carpet events. Really? THIS is the price of fame and beauty? Frumpy anonymity never looked better...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Five Down, 48 To Go
Today I have started my prep for a colonoscopy slated for Friday. Preparations include two days of a "clear liquid diet" (see posting on "things that suck")and I am five hours into this thing and already want solid food. I am a giant wimp!! Sigh
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Things That Suck
In the past two weeks, life has handed me some shitty reminders that it's not all a cake walk in the park. So, let me just take a moment to acknowledge some things in life that just really suck (in no particular order).
1) Mental illness.
2) Infidelity
3) Bitchy people - except for me or my friends/family when we are venting. I'm talking about people who are bitchy for no odd stupid reason. They suck.
4) Clear liquid diets.
5) Paper cuts
6) Cellular biology
7) When your children suffer.
8) Helplessness - I hate when I can't do a damn thing about a damn thing!
9) Cancer and all that goes with it.
10) Selfishness
11) Unnecessary drama
12) Buttinskis - I am aware that am one sometimes, and I suck when I am.
13) Miscarriages
14) Money
15) Health insurance companies
I could go on and on and on. But, I'll stop here and know that it does NOT suck to get that sort of junk off of my mental plate. Feel free to weigh in on anything important you think I may have missed here.
1) Mental illness.
2) Infidelity
3) Bitchy people - except for me or my friends/family when we are venting. I'm talking about people who are bitchy for no odd stupid reason. They suck.
4) Clear liquid diets.
5) Paper cuts
6) Cellular biology
7) When your children suffer.
8) Helplessness - I hate when I can't do a damn thing about a damn thing!
9) Cancer and all that goes with it.
10) Selfishness
11) Unnecessary drama
12) Buttinskis - I am aware that am one sometimes, and I suck when I am.
13) Miscarriages
14) Money
15) Health insurance companies
I could go on and on and on. But, I'll stop here and know that it does NOT suck to get that sort of junk off of my mental plate. Feel free to weigh in on anything important you think I may have missed here.
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