Status Report, Mr. Sulu

Well, I have had a good couple of weeks, I must say. I have been eating very healthfully, focusing on veggies and lean meats, with some fruits and a few whole grain carbs. Oh, and pizza yesterday. A girl's gotta live. I have been walking and running. All is well. But I go on vacation soon, and am preparing to do battle with "vacation mindset" where I justify eating whatever I want and skipping my workouts. Sheilds up, O'Hoora, I feel a calorie klingon attack cloaked and at the ready.

My dorkdom is now sealed for all time, given the number of Star Trek references in this post alone. C'mon, you all know you liked The Trouble with Tribbles.

Conspiracy Theory

The Beastie Boys were right: Listen all-a-y'all it's a sabbotage!!

I have not been writing much lately because I don't want to jinx my good habits with sarcastic talk or brag-a-do exclamations. I've been eating healthy foods, NO sweets (the hardest part for me), and exercising. However, my exercising has not been quite as consistent as I would like and I am blaming my family for sabbotaging my efforts. They have a conspiracy against me, I tell you. And it comes in the night - mostly by my five-year-old child. She has been waking up with bad dreams at about 1:30 or 2:00 a.m. and then reqires me to get up and talk her through this or plop her in my bed and hit the sofa for some unrest. My dog took up the cause last night, with a 2 a.m. whine-fest signaling a desire to go outside to avoid a mess on the floor. Since I am not a fan of messes, I let her out only to have her go to a corner of the yard and lay down out there. What the..?! So then I had to gather her back into the house and there goes my solid night's sleep. How does this kill my exercise routine? Well, 6 a.m. looks rediculous when you were just up at 2:30 a.m. with the darn dog. I NEED MY SLEEP!!!!

What I need is a 6 a.m. workout buddy. Know anyone who will volunteer?

Be the Ball, Nunanananana

I like golf! I have now golfed 12 holes this year, more than in the past ten years combined. Let me clarify and say I like to golf with people who don't really care that much about golf. Last week I came home from golfing and my husband asked about my score. My reply was, "What? You're supposed to keep score in golf?" This gives you a clue about my brand of golfing. I am absolutely horrid. I tend to slice off to the right a lot, and I've been known to throw the ball back into the fareway if I am sick of being in the rough or too close to a tree. I four or five-putt every green (I two-putted once!), and I managed to lose five balls in eight holes yesterday, so start buying stock in golf balls because demand is about to rise if I keep playing. But I am having fun, and I have my own cart chauffer - my sister Sahm, who will not golf (weenie) but will come out and drive me around and then eat dinner and gab with the ladies afterwards. Good times. I wonder how the dynamics will change when I try golfing with my spouse or other (male) family members who actually take the game seriously and can hit the ball further than 100 yards or less...

Devil or Angel: I'm so Confused

I'll open with a Seinfeld line:

So what's the deal with high fructose corn syrup?

I have had at least three people advise me to avoid all foods with this substance. I went to the grocery store, and lo and behold EVERYTHING (well, lots of things) have that stuff in it. Peanut butter, granola bars, crackers, strawberry jam, etc. etc. etc., all had HFCS in the ingredient list. This "avoid" task is harder than it sounds.

Well, why should I avoid that stuff? I had no idea other than a couple of thin people recommended it so perhaps there is a correlation between my desired state of healthily thin and this avoidance. But I wanted more information so I went where all of the good, bad and ugly information lives: on the internet. There was a ton of information out there. I picked the stuff from the American Medical Society, the Mayo Clinic and then one other kind of generic looking site. What I got was this: HFCS is cheap to make (though maybe not so much since it is made from cornstarch and that price is rising like crazy) and is a good preservative for foods produced commercially. There are some that say it is more readily converted to fat (ack!) than sucrose (natural sugar). But the AMA and Mayo both say that there is no solid scientific evidence that would suggest this. I am wondering if it not so much the HFCS, but just restricting the calories from all of the foods that contain the stuff. So, I don't know if HFCS deserves the bad press and taboo, but perhaps I will try to avoid it and this will decrease calories. Either that or it will be a new way for me to justify homemade baked goods - hey, no high fructose corn syrup!

Houston, We Have a Problem

Even though I have taken the spotlight off of my weight loss efforts, I am still trying. Well, sort of. I am working on exercise still, which is good. The "eat right" part... well, that's a different story. I have tried weight watchers again, and I cannot seem to make that stick. I have tried low carb, and that works for about two days. I have tried just focusing on eating enough fruits and veggies, again, no luck. So I took a step back and tried to analyze the situation. And here's what I have come up with: I start off strong, and go full guns for two days. By day three, something happens, like the office pot luck or fresh cookies at lunch or my kids eat cookies or a breeze blows outside or or or or or... then it is just a nice steady slide back to eating four slices of pizza for lunch by Sunday. The really bad part (in my assessment), is that on Sunday I am grossed out by my body again and vow to start anew on my good eating plans on Monday. So then I eat on Sunday evening like it's my last day on Earth and I must eat anything good that I see sitting around. "Mmm, cookies! Well, I won't be eating those again for at least a month, so I'm going to have one to make sure I can hold the memory of their tasty goodness close to me in our time apart." So, now that I see the problem I should be able to fix it, right. Well, tomorrow is Monday so we'll see by next Sunday. Wish me luck.

Takin One for the Team, Ouch

My sister Sahm is pregnant, and it is super exciting. She got her ultrasound today, and low and behold, there are photos of a small being who resembles baby Skeletor. Awwwww. She had to weigh herself and was dreading it, so I weighed myself right after her to make her feel better about herself, and I sure hope it worked cuz I was a full five pounds heavier than her NOT pregnant and she's five months along or so. Ouch.

Golf

It has been suggested that I take up golf. I own golf clubs. They were my grandma's, and so the "woods" are actually made of wood. I don't know why there are so many clubs. I know that the wood is for distance, like off the tee. Ok, and the putter is for, well.. putting. Duh. There is something called a wedge, and this is for lofting the ball up high without a lot of distance, I think. The rest of the irons are a mystery. What the hell is up with all of the numbers on those things and why do I need all of those clubs? Isn't there just one to hit my second through fourth or fifth shot that it takes to get even close to the green?

Anyway, in theory, I could golf. And amazingly enough I went out the to golf course the past two Wednesdays when they have "ladies night" with at least some intention of golfing. But I never did golf. I ended up drinking Mojitos with a friend at her house the first time, and eating at the clubhouse the second time with a different friend. But I will go again this week and perhaps even take a whack at actually playing golf. I'll let you know how that goes, and Lisalisa - you should come because I'm sure it will be quite funny. I don't need to yell "fore!" just "whiff."

Butt Sweat

There is nothing worse than butt sweat. In my quest to be one of those people who exercises regularly, I went for a bike ride this evening. I also needed to go to the grocery store and get some freezer bags. So I decide to stop by the store at the end of my bike ride and get those bags, then bike home. Capitol idea! Get exercise, get bags, save gas money - it's fantastic. Except for butt sweat. I got a bit hot and sweaty, nothing horrendous, no sweat rolling anywhere, just enough to think, "Whew, I'm kind of warm." And when I got off of the bike at the store I thought my butt felt kinda damp, so I contort myself enough to check out my hind end and sure enough, it looked like I had peed my pants. Great. So, I stealthily made my way through the store, standing up against shelves looking with great purpose at the opposite shelves whenever a shopper would happen by (I was stuck next to paper towels for quite a while), but I got my freezer bags and made my way out of the store without hearing anyone snickering behind me. I will never wear those pants for a bike ride again.

Victory is Mine!!.... Now What?

It was incredible! I ran like the wind, biked like lightening, running with thunderous steps and I encouraged my poor winded brother on to the finish line of the Ride/Run where we set the record for fastest time ever completing the thing.

And then I woke up. And though we certainly did NOT win the race, overall I felt like we did. I enjoyed the race! Though that is kind of like saying "I enjoyed childbirth!" because the memory of the pain is pretty distant and my brain cleverly covered that up with the fonder memories of the Ride Run. And thank goodness my brother is really in shape, cuz he ended up running two miles to my one mile cuz I am sloooooooow like molasses in December. But I was haulin on the bike, not in an effort to improve our time, but just to catch up to G and get enough ahead of him to be able to run a mile in the time it would take him to pick up the bike, bike a mile, and run more than a mile. Sad, I know, but it worked. And it felt really good to say that I finished that race (though the bloody mary stand at mile four was a tempting "quit" spot).

So, now what? I need a new goal, and next year's Ride/Run is a bit too remote to keep me going, I think. I am thinkin I will sign up for a 5K this Fall, which gives me three months to train and be able to increase from snail's pace to that of a turtle. Stay tuned for more exciting news as this toad tries to transform herself into a bonafide runner. I can't believe that I typed those words.

The Hobble-along Kid

I went running again this morning and in the midst of my normal route felt a pang of electricity hit my lower back and shoot all the way through my hips. 'Uh oh, that's no good,' I thought to myself, but kept running hoping that it would work its way out. I ran about a mile when it was just too painful to continue and slowed to a hobble, which I maintained all the way home. I stretched and stretched and grimmaced and exclaimed in pain as little demons kicked me in the back and hips. Crap crap crap!!! What does this mean for the ride run? Well, I went to physical therapy today, am going tomorrow, am going to massage therapy tonight and am hoping to get a nice muscle relaxer (anybody else remembering the wedding scene from 16 Candles?) to take before bed. Everyone cross their fingers for me.