"A Little Thicker"

Well, Easter is over and I have no more good reasons to keep eating whatever I feel like eating. Right now I feel like eating a DQ Mini Blizzard. Mmm. Someone should go and get me one right now. I wish I felt like eating raw cauliflower.

ANYhoo... Today I put on a springy outfit consisting of a white short-sleeved blouse with a white tank under it, and a skirt that is a linen blend and floral print. I have my really cute heels on with this outfit, and some pretty silver jewelry. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? I should feel cute and rejuvenated now that it seems Spring is actually going to stick around. Nope. I don't. Why not? Well, probably because this skirt was too big this last Fall, and the shirt was not having to utilize the powers of the stretch fabric from which it was made. It is having to resort to those fibers today.

Oof. I have mentioned my sedentary job before. Well, today I sat for a while (like I do) and then stood up to notice that my shirt had creased from being sucked into the fold between my gut and my lap, so now it kind of bends forward when I am standing. Nice.

I was grousing about the blouse crease to a coworker and she chuckled and said, "Yeah, you have been looking a little bit thicker." Many of you might gasp at her honesty, but I am grateful. Mostly I get people who say, "What? I can't tell you gained weight at all!" This just justifies my continued sloth. So, THANK YOU, coworker, for your honesty. The words "a little thicker" are ringing in my ears and I have now gotten rid of all of the junk in my office. That's it. That's the motivation. It's time to get this show in motion. Two more months until the wedding, two and change till the reunion. Operation: less thick .... has begun!

Rebuttal

Dear Mia,

You can tell your keister, belly and thighs to zip it! It is their fault that my poor zipper is taxed to the max and poor button is hanging on for dear life. If they don't want to be pinched, then they should dial it back a notch and quit crowding me. I am NOT being clingy - they are being unreasonable.

Sincerely,
Pants

Corresponding

Dear Mia,

Could you tell your pants that they are not being very nice. They are pinching and binding and being too clingy. I mean, really, what is their problem?

Love,
Your butt, gut and thighs

Response

Dear Pants,

Smack, chew, gulp... mmm... munch, om-num-num...

What?

Keep up the good work.

Love,
Mia

Another Letter

Dear Mia,

Remember that version of you that worked out and ate sensibly? yeah, could you find her again? You are making my job really difficult. Relief would be welcome.

Sincerely,
Your Pants